I don't get out anymore. Infact since the first of September I have only left this building twice and both times were to go to the hospital. With no car and no bus service here I am very limited to where I can go. In the winter I cna't get my walker through the snow so I end up getting snowed in all winter and have to use delivery service until I can get back out again. The point I am making here is ~ I am now a recluse. So I rarely communicate with people anymore. I rarely get to go out anymore. And this has been the case for a few years now.
I guess as you get older,... the world changes. But yesterday I was reminded just how much. now i have not used a vending machine in years. Probobly ten years! But at the hospital, I had grown quite hungry. I hadn't eaten anything and I was starting to feel slightly nauseous and bit light headed. Remebering I hadn't eaten I headed over to the vending machines in the waiting room.
Now,... back in my day,... the price was listed and you put in that amount and you pressed the selection button and out it came. Easy peasy,... but now,... no prices and nowhere to put coin. hmmm,... I finally figured out you can use your debit card. But still - no prices. Well I had no choice as I was getting really hungry now so I choose a Mars bar and put in my debit card all was well. It wasn't until I got homw and saw in my banking that they charged me almost $4.00 for that chococlate bar. ***my eyes have widened here*** last time I bought a Mars bar it was a buck. I walked away from that vending machine realizing times have changed. I am so old I can remember when cigarettes were sold in vending machines. Way back in the 1970's and '80's when I use to smoke tobacco. (I quit in 1989).
And here is the situation you face when your poor. That trip to the hospital was not planned. And between the taxi there and back and that chocolate bar,... I spent $35.00 out of my very tight budget. When you only have $50 a week for groceries? That $35 nearly took away a week of food. THATS how precariously I live on such a small budget. So you can imagine my face when I saw I had paid nearly $4 for a chocolate bar!! But,... it had to be done. I had no choice. Today I have made my monthly grocery order. It came to exactly $220.71. A huge one for me. But this is the last month of me stocking up on supplies. Now that my cupboards and pantry are full,... I can coast for the summer months and hopefully SAVE. Put as much money as I can away. It will be hard as I am already living off of nothing. So giving up more will be felt. But in my world,... this is life. MONEY dictates everything.
So I am now sat here awaiting my grocery order,... awaiting my medication delivery,... thank God there is delivery or I would have no way to get any of this stuff.
So I have been sequestered away now for nearly 6 months. Not seeing anyone,... not talking to anyone,... and I am finding it really hard. Cabin fever set in months ago and now I am just going mad with being couped up in this apartment. I NEED TO GET OUT! But no car,... no money,... so I am stuck. Trapped in these 4 walls,...
When is life going to get easier,... because I am really, really tired.
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