My life is very depressing. My days are long with nothing to do but watch tv. The lonliness can really set in leaving me despondant some days. Before I hit these really hard times, I used to love to laugh. I have a big laugh. I laugh from the belly. And it's loud. But I don't care. Humour is the one thing that has gotten me through these difficult 5 years. When I worked at Tim Hortons to put myself through school, my boss called me 'chuckles' becasue I was always happy and laughing. He said he wished everyone came into work with that. But over the past 5 years, I have had less and less to laugh about. Until this year when things have become downright dire. When I wake up in the morning, I don't feel refreshed and happy. Infact the first thing I think is,... 'damn,... I'm still alive and breathing so I have to face another day of nothing but tv,...' There really isn't anything to laugh about in my life right now.
But without laughter,... I would shrivel up and die inside. Everything has been taken away from me because of poverty. So all I have left now is laughter. So everyday, no matter how bad or depressed I feel, I force myself to watch certain videos. I have a handful of things I like to watch that make me laugh out loud and forget about my troubles if only for an hour. Gogglebox UK,... Graham Norton Show,... animal videos,... etc,... these programs allow me to just enjoy.
So everyday I make a point of watching funny videos and I laugh. I let my whole body laugh. And it's a release. When your so miserable in your life you feel like you can barely breath, laughter seems to just melt everything away and lets you just be ~ happy. Happy is something that has eluded me for a very long time.
I don't have a partner,... or a best friend. I don't have family. I speak to noone. I am alone 24/7. So sadly, the tv is the only human contact I have. My illness makes me suseptible to mood. I feel things deeply. When I am sad,... I am suicidal. When I am happy,... I am laughing out loud. My emotions are felt to the extreme. This is normally not a good thing. But when it comes to laughter,... it allows me to let go and release all the frustration and depression and sadness. It doesn't balance the moods,... (you know, making life worthwhile again) but it does give me an hour or so a day when I can just forget this shitty life and just laugh.
*********************************
This video is "Tony and Ryan" - 2 Australian friends who just keep me laughing.
No comments:
Post a Comment