Now I hope to die

 I am sat here despondent. It's just after 3 in the morning. I can't sleep. I don't get a lot of sleep anymore. Too much on my mind. The air is cool so I am wrapped up in my housecoat trying to keep the damp out. Rain pounds down on my RV roof. I feel cold. I can never get warm these days. Feeling cold = pain for me. The damp gets right into my bones and just throbs. It's all consuming. I don't know how to cope with it. So I sit here and just cry.

I called the place to get health care today. I ended up so upset I threw my medication down the toilet and decided health care is just something that for some reason is just too hard to get for me. I found out the place I needed to go was an hours walk away. Much furthur than I had anticipated. I have not been well the past few days. Pain has been overwhelming. I am finding it harder to walk into town. Today,... I just couldn't face it. I asked to come in. She offered me 15 minutes to deal with my blood pressure but no other problems. So I am suppose to WALK for an hour just to talk about blood pressure and not allowed to discuss any other problem? And then WALK an hour home? I have 63 with no doctor. I have dozens of issues that need looking at. If I have to walk 2 hours for every appointment then it's useless to me.

I am too old to jump through hoops just for basic health care. 

Why can't I get a phsical and take care of ALL of my issues???? I have been without health care for years and it has piled up and I starting to suffer. But if 15 minutes is all I am worth and I have to walk two hours just to get it? Then I give up. I am too old and tired to deal with that nonsense.

So I took my meds and I threw them all down the toilet. From this day on I do nothing to help my health. And in this I hope to have a heart attack and die.

Health care should not be this hard to access and I am fed up and just dont care anymore.

ROLL ON HEART ATTACK! I am done suffering

I have now tried to get health care in two provinced in Canada and both were too hard to get.

Now I hope to DIE

 

I wish I had never even been born

 I'm back. I know this blog is only for when I am feeling overwhelmed and depressed, but that is how I feel today. And i need to write it all down to get it out.

This is not working out. It sounded great in theory. Buy an RV and live out my retirement in peace and happiness. But what theory doesn't expose is 'real life'. And in this case ~ money. I wish someone had sat me down and said buying an RV is just going to drain your bank account and leave you with nothing but a cold tin can to live in and a hefty RV pad rental cost each month.

I thought buying this RV was 'turn key'. All I had to do was move in. I had all these plans to make my life better ~ easier,... buy a car so I finally have transportation. I actually put money aside in my budget to make sure this would happen. With a car I could be self sufficient. Not have to rely on anyone to do my basic living errands. Groceries,... laundry,.... 

But instead nothing worked in this RV and I got stuck spending all my money just to make this thing livable. Now,... all that money I put aside is gone,.... This RV sure does look nice. Shiny and new,... but when you look closer? It's not well made. The windows are plastic and keep no heat in. It feels like a cold tin can. I know from this day forward I am always going to feel cold.

I have been 'conned' by Superior Propane into a very expensive propane plan. What I thought was free installation and $500 worth of free propane (an excellent deal I couldn't refuse) turned into a $119 charge for my monthly rental cost as well as $392 for the installation. (But I thought that was free?) Now I am learning that the $119 monthly cost is JUST THE RENTAL OF THE PROPANE TANK!!! I still have to pay propane on top of that! So i feel I was duped with fancy talking marketing promos that I obviously didn't understand. I cannot afford this at all so I have no choice but ot cancel out of this contract.

Now they are coming after me for over $1000.00 to break my contract. So I haven't even been on the island for two months and I already have debters coming after me. I got duped,... and it cost me way too much,... It cost me getting a car,...

And then theres laundry. Something that should be so simple. But here? A problem every time. I have no car, so I have to WALK into town pulling a big suitcase of all my clothes to the laudromatte where I pay $11.00 a load to wash my clothes. (I only paid $2.50 a load back at my old place) This wouldn't be a problem if I was 30 years old and not in constant pain. But for a 63 year old person to have to do this is just shit. Now I am sitting here with two large loads of dirty clothes on my floor and nothing clean to wear. Now I have to walk into town and spend $22 that I dont have. And because I dont have it ~ I have no clean clothes and dirty clothes everywhere as its so small in this RV I dont even have a dirty clothes hamper. No room. So they just lay on my bed or floor taking up room pissing me off every time I step all over them. If I want laundry done I have to do 'the fucking walk' or rely on my cousin.

I want to be self sufficient. If I cant do groceries and laundry myself then what is the fucking point???? I now have to bug my cousin every time I need something. I refuse to do this. So instead I have mounds of dirty clothes that need washing but I am too tired and sore to walk into town. SO IT HASN'T GOTTEN DONE IN 4 DAYS.

Now my money is all gone. It's not only gone,... but I am now in debt over $4000. The money I have set aside for RV pad rentals has been used for 'fixing' this broken tin can that was suppose to be 'turn-key' and move in ready. Instead I have spent a fortune to fix shit.

Now with no car in the future I am stuck right back where I started from. Being stuck inside my home with no way to go anywhere and no money to do anything. I am completely reliant on my cousin. I do not like this. I refuse to live relying on others for basic chores and needs. I am back to being POOR. Living in POVERTY. And stuck inside my home with nothing to do bored out of my mind watching tv again,...

I only get $1000 a month to live on. REREAD THAT.

$1,072.74 is all I bring in a  month. My rental pad is more than I bring in at $1200 a month.

So I am right back where I was 3 months ago. No money to live on,... no transportation to go anywhere and now I am stuck inside a cold tin can freezing. I can't even afford the cost of propane now. So now I have to live off of two 700 watt heaters (any stronger and I will blow out my fuses) to keep warm. It does not keep me warm. Infact,... it is so damp and cool my fibromyalgia has completely gone out of remission and I am now fighting that too,... SEVERE PAIN.

I dont' know what I did in life to deserve such hardship. But I am too tired to continue on,... I am 63 fucking years old and have been struggling for 25 or those years. I am done,....

I am not going to spend the remainder of my life freezing in a tin can I can't affrod to heat,...

I think I tried every which way I could to escape poverty. But Canada is too far gone and I can't survive. This country has priced me right of living. And now I'm not comfortable at all. I am not retiring peacefully and happily,.... I am cold. And broke,... and can't leave my RV as I have no car or money!!!.

It's time to realize all my efforts just weren't good enough. Canada just doesn't want me to survive. They made it too hard and I got too tired. The pain alone is unbearable,.... but no health care.

Now I plan my escape,...

How sad my life has been. I wish I had never even been born.

It's time to hand in my application to MAiDs.

I tried but Canada failed me.

Taking the good with the bad

 I have been in BC for just under one month. There have been good things happening,.... and there have been frustrating things happening. I am trying to embrace the good and cope with the bad. But boy there have been days that I wanted to pack it all in and just lay down in a heap on the floor and just cry.

But my cousin (Brian) has been awesome. He has not only stepped in and been my peresonal helper but he is also my cheerleader when I get discouraged. He reminds me that these are only teething pains. All RV owners go through them. He admits mine have been a lot and definitely frustrating but he did remind me that we will get it all sorted out and things will eventually settle down.

My refridgerator died. I lost all of my groceries. I had just bought about $60 worth of meat which went bad and I had to throw out. Infact, I had to throw out 3 bags of rotten food. I now have no food in my RV as I have nowhere to put it to keep it fresh. A neighbour brought me down a small bar fridge which I am thankfully using. At least I can still have milk and cereal now. Yesterday I had to go out and order a new fridge. It's going to be close to $1000 with delivery and taxes. THAT is one purchase I was NOT expecting and really hit my bank account hard. So today I have to walk to the Brick and pay for and order a new fridge. FRUSTRATING!

I had another issue where my batteries stopped working. Leaving me with no lights or tv or wifi. That took ages to figure out and fix. I am still having other issues I can't figure out so I had to break down and call an RV Technician to come out and take a look at all of these issues I am having. At $260 an hour I feel sick having to pay that but it has to be done. 

This RV that was suppose to be 'turn-key' ready,.... wasn't. And it has cost me way more than it ever should have leaving me with a lot less money. This wasn't part of the plan!!!!!!

But I did get some good news. The RV pad right beside my cousin has become available. So I have asked to move my RV down to be beside Brian. That way we can make an outside space for the both of us to enjoy. Share our space on the outside. Get a gazebo and a barbecue and chairs and make ourselves a nice out-door living space. It has been a real advantage having Brian in  my life. He is not only kind, but very knowledgable so he is always figuring things out for me when I run into something else that broke. He has offered me his time over and over again giving up things he had planned for himself. I owe my cousing a great deal.

I am feeling better mentally today. I just reminded myself again why I moved here. There are no 'nasty' Kelly, Darrens or Marks out to purposely make my life difficult. I can be whoever I want to be here. I can go wherever I want to go here. No bored drug addicts planning revenge just becasue they are bored. That part of my life - which was really bad when I left - is now gone. I can't tell you how much stress those 3 idiots caused me back in Ontario but now I am out. I am so grateful that I never have to deal with these people ever again. And that alone is worth all the shit I am going through now.

The bad news ~ I have sunk over $5000.00 into this RV just to 'fix' shit. I used way more money than I had anticipated so now I have to go out and find a cleaning job or something as I have to make back all this money I used. If i dont,... I will run out of money by 2028 and wont be able to pay my RV pad rental. So I have no choice but to find a job to make up $3000.00 over the next year.

But BC is so beautiful! Every time I get discouraged and have a melt down,... I pick myself up and dust myself off and tell myself I am still better off in BC than I ever was in Ontario. I just have to be patient and get through all these teething pains. I had not anicipated spending so much to start up. But I have. Instead of worrying about it, I just have to get through it. Once i am through all these unexpected 'fixes' I can relax. (At least that is the hope ~ please let me have some peace here eventually to just enjoy)

Today I have to walk into town to run some errands. I walk into town almost everyday. I have nothing in my (borrowed) fridge  as I threw it all out when it went bad. So I need to buy more groceries. (But no freezer now so can't buy meat). 

Life has been a challenge here. But i think once I settle it will all be worth it. I just have to hang in there and get through it.

 This ship is sinking,....

 Things just keep going from bad to worse. Today I woke up to no battery power. No battery power means no tv or wifi or lights. I have enough wifi left to google what the problem is and it sounds like when the hot water on demand tank was installed the wire got disconnected or loosened and now isn't working. Do I call the 'un-licenced' guy in my park who installed it for me? Or do I just finally call a real RV tech at A LOT OF MONEY to come and fix it? Either way I can't do anything right now as it's 6 o'clock in the morning.

This RV is a money pit.

I dont want to live in it anymore but I have nowhere to go.

So I am sitting here at 6 in the morning,.... with no tv and nothing to do. Sitting in a tiny RV with not a damn thing to do.

What have I done? I had no choice but to leave Ontario yet I find myself in yet another struggle I can't seem to get out of.

Maybe it's time to call it a day. My end of life stuff is all bought and paid for so maybe it's just time to end it all.

I am so tired of nothing ever going right. 

I think it's time to end it all.

 I have had enough but don't know what to do.

I can't stay in this RV anymore.

I am sat here - nauseaus - from the smell but have nowhere to go.

I just want to die

PLEASE just let me die

I just need to die

 Well I am back to the old misery blog so what does that tell you? I am miserable again. Moving to BC has not been the 'save' I thought it was going to be. Infact,... so far, it's been nothing but a money drain. I have not only used up my whole budget but have had to tap into my 'living expenses' budget. Ro the tune of thousands of dollars. That money was put away as I DONT MAKE ENOUGH TO SURVIVE EACH MONTH AND THAT MONEY IS TO SUPLEMENT THAT LOSS!! Now when the time comes to pay my rent - the money wont be there.

This RV has been nothing but a money pit.

I like the RV and I like the place i am in. But I was not expecting to be drained of every penny I had to start up this life. I have had smells,... water issues,... and everything came with a hefty pricetag to fix. Today I find out I need a new fridge. The one in here is so bad I have had to throw out chunky milk 3 times as the fridge wont work. I have had to throw out expensive meat and groceries as they have gone bad.

I can't help thinking I have gone from the frying pan into the fire,....

Why am I being forced to live? Why is everything i touch a struggle? Why can't I just live - normally - without hassle? WHY?

I have decdied this move was not the right thing to do. If the RV had been sound and i didnt' have to waste money 'fixing' it, things would have been fine. But they are not fine. Everything in this RV was broken and cost me my savings to fix. Now I have nothing left and have gone into debt and still I need a new fridge.

Time to make some hard decisions,.... stop my meds and hope to die.

I have had enough of being scammed and treated like a horrible fucking person,...

I just need to die!!!!!!!!!!!

What did I ever do in this lifetime that has left me struggling every single place I go,.... I can't take it anymore. I just want to die now.

 I am in crisis. All I want to do is DIE

I have woken up to NO WATER. But being brand new to the RV life I have no idea how to fix it. So I am sat here - crying - as I hate where I am. This RV still smells horrible and I can't stay here. So I gave Brian all of his stuff back and i plan on walking away. But I can't find affordable housing. Story of my life,.... noone wants me,... and I can't find a place i can afford.

So I think I am going to pack a bag and get myself over to the mainland and find a cheap hotel there and find fentanyl and die.

And now its all gone to shit

 I have decided I have had enough. I called MAiDs today and I am going to apply.

My brand new RV smells absolutely HORRIBLE of sewar gas and mold. I landed in the ER today and walked out with meds for steroids and puffers. I will suffer this horrible fiberglass feeling in my lungs for as long as I live here in this RV,

So I cant live in thsi RV.

This will be the third time I have lost everythign and had to start again.

I will not be doing that

I am exhausted and too traumatized to want to.

I did everything RIGHT but still paid $51000 for a moldy tin can.

I give up

FUCK LIFE

I'm going through MAiDs ~ and if they say no then I do it my fucking self. I take the ferry to Vancouver to the downtown Eastside and take a fatal dose of fentanyl.

NOONE SHOULD BE SCAMMED 3 fucking times and lose everything,....

 Things were going so well,... I was so happy. But in my life we all know happiness doesn't last. And today I reached out to MAiDs as I have had enough.

I have been in BC in my new RV for one week. The first few days were wonderful. Awesome,... the stress of the idiots in the gazebo had lifted and I was starting to feel peace. 

But now real life is setting in and with that comes a horrible horrible smell. My RV smells like sewage gas and mold. So bad I am sick. I have been sick since the day I moved in. Obviously it sat too long somewhere and it got mold and mildew. But on the inside. Even though this thing was in mint condition and was perfect ~ I guess mold was in here all along. As soon as I started turning my a/c or fan on I was blasted with a mildewy aroma that fills this whole RV. I have been sick because of it. I have been coughing up green flem and have a bad cough and feel nauseous all the time.

And then yesterday,...the smell of sewer gas started. This morning it's over-whelming and I can barely stand it. But when I went outside for some relief, it was too hot for me. (I'm quite sick and cant take the heat) so I am back sitting inside 'my new home' feeling like death warmed over.

I hate it. Not BC,.... this RV. I got sold a lemon.

But I refuse to be scammed once again and left with something I can't even live in.

I called the dealership and they are coming out at one o'clock and i know they are going to con me as they have said we will get you duct cleaning,.... what a joke. Its mold. dangerous mold and it cant be removed with duct cleaning.

So I know i will get bullied and left with this problem on my own. I refuse to deal.

I will just talk with MAiDs and if they wont help me then its the last option in my arsenal - Vancouver DES ~ Downtown Eastside. And a healthy dose of fentanyl and I will be gone,...

I am too old and too exhausted and too traumatized from all the shit I've had to endure to carry on,...

Now I just want to be dead. 

Now all I concentrate on is getting dead.

I am done with this fucking world

I nearly didn't make it to BC. Those idiots ~ kelly, Mark and Darren nearly got me arrested.

I had heard from people that they were 'up to something' and then later I heard they were actively trying to get me arrested so I couldn't board my plane to BC. Of course I thought this was ridiculous. Who on earth is that evil,... diabolical,... to purposely casue someone such hardship. I kind of just laughed it off - but I shouldn't have. Two days before I left, those 3 started this campaigne of finding me - yelling "stop stalking me" and things of that nature to make it look like I was after THEM. And it worked. The police got called,.... I got called the aggressor andI was placed in handcuffs and ready to be marched out. But I begged,... cried,.... I promised them I would stay inside my unit until the cabpickedme up to go to the airport. I had to GROVEL,..... but it worked. Me moving might have saved me. I was able to say I wont behere after two days and the whole issue goes away. Thank God they released me and I had to promise to "leave Kelly alone" which really pissed me off as everyone else knows (and have come up and told me later) that they all know I got up and walked away everytime Kelly came around. But because Kelly is such a liar and an evil personality - she went to her caregiver with this sob story how she is being stalked by me and I am abusing and bullying her,.... what a joke. Every smoker in that gazebo knows the truth. But because Mark is 6 foot 7 and a scary guy - noone stood up for me. (at least not infront of him)

I just can't believe how low these people will stoop. I knew Mark and Darren were a couple of evil idiots but they have found their third in Kelly. Between the 3 of them they have literally concocted this whole plan of 'chase me around everywhere I go and then yell stalker" and they did! I had to hide in my unit for the last week and I was too scared to come out for running into one of them and them starting this drama. I have no idea what is wrong with thsi Kelly but she is an evil bitch.

But I am out of there now,... gone,... and hopefully they are not going to follow me. (But I do have my concerns about things I have heard that they are still going to come after me even with me here in BC!???) what is wrong with these people??? Just let it go,.......

And as I was walking home from the dollar store with myt friends daughter, the woman who ran me over - Diane - drove into our parking lot and yells "Good bye asshole" My friends daughter couldn't believe it. But I get this all the time - every single day - from all of them. NOW my friends (Debra dn Sandra) see it. 

I have totally lost faith in humanity today.

 I don't even know if I have the heart to write this. They got me,...

And in the end what happened is exactly waht I said they wanted to happen.

I was doing laps - as I always do - when kelly came out of her unit and started in on me. Get off my floor - you dont belong on this floor,... stop stalking me,... blah,... blah,... blah,....

I am 100% honest when i say I didnt' even know what apartment she lived in. And in the end it doesn't matter - I have evdery right to do my laps as I have done for two years now since my accident.

The ambulance was called as my blood pressure soared,... police got involved and after all was said and done the police came back from talking to them and the end result?

I am the aggressor. 

So I totally give up. I have lost faith in humanity this morning. I clearly have said I want nothing to do with her yet she comes after me,... but noone stuck up for me and they believed her and I was told I have to stay away from her and Mark. What a joke,.... they didn't talk to anyone other than theri side.

Did I not say there plan was to get me arrested so I can't board the plane? They nearly succeeded becasue Kelly lied and said I was stalking her wehn I was just doing my laps.

The police 'agreed' to not press charges (for what? Running away from her every time I see her?) as Long as I get on that plane and leave.

Noone asked my side,... my frineds,... the people who saw everything kept silent. They are afraid of mark and kelly and I paid the price.

I refuse to leave my unit now. And I dont' want oto talk to one soul in this building. How dare they keep silent,.... I know they saw her accoust me,... I know they saw me get up and leave when she came in dozens of times,.... where was all that???? Instead she got to lie - her and mark and i was the aggressor and nearly charged.

I have totally lost faith in humanity today.

Fuck you Kelly - in the end who won?

 Ok it wasn't my last blog post as the nonsense has ramped up and I have to get it out of my system before I go. I have been accousted - twice by both Kelly and Marc to "stay out of the gazebo when we are in there" (Like they are the gatekeepers of the gazebo). And to show they mean business they are apparently 'wating for me' so they can 'have their showdown' which shows their mentality. I am here for one week yet instead of just letting it go - they are planning to retaliate. if it weren't so childish I would be offended. But coming from a couple of pot heads whos whole life is MARIJUANA - I could care less. I find the whole thing humourous as I know how immature it all is.

So to get back at them,... I have stayed away. i dont step foot outside or near that gazebo. Becasue who would go out there knowing they are waiting to ambush me? How stupid do they think I am to fall for that??? Rumour has it they want to 'get me arrested' by poking me to lose it so they can call the police and of course the police are going to believe 3 people over me,... so I probobly would be arrested. IF I WAS TO FALL FOR THIS  diabolical and evil plan. 

So the joke is on them,... as I will not give them their showdown. I am not hiding becasue I am afraid,... i am hiding so I dont walk right into their plan.

I do  not like these people and want no interaction with them at all. Why would I invite trouble when I will be in paradise this time next week,....

jokes on you Kelly and Mark and Darren,... they have been hanging out in that gazebo - rain or shine - all day long - waiting for me and this showdown,... lol 

I am not stupid enough to fall for it.

Have a nice life kelly - while I sip coffee in a chair by the river every morning - you will still be here. And THAT is what gives me comfort.

i dont do drama. I walk away. Leaving them frustratged and angry they didn't get what they wanted.

And THIS is exactly why I am leaving,... becasue the people here are nsty,... toxic,.... and just down right mean. So bored they ruin others lives for their own entertainment. While they are doing this? I will be in BC enjoying my new life.

And this place and these people will all be behind me never to have to be thought of again.

So who wins Kelly????? Who won in the end,.... you controlled me for a few  months but then I got out and won,....

FUCK YOU Kelly and Mark and Darren,....

Fuck all three of you

My last blog entry

 I was going to write about my usual shit ~ and shit has happened over the past few days. But I am not going to. Since I knew for certain that I was moving to BC, my mindset has been changing. I am finding myself lighter,... hopeful,... optomistic,... happy even. I haven't been able to say I am happy in years and years and years,....

So even though shit hit the fan here - just the normal gazebo crowd throwing their weight around - I let it go. Not at first. I couldnt as they got me so upset my blood pressure rose to a dangerous high and two days in a row I had to call an ambulance. If I wasn't moving, these past few days would have done me in. But when the dust settled and i realized I was still here, I smiled. Because I know I am getting out. These people in the gazebo can ramp up their nonsense all they want to. I honestly just don't care about them. I already live in BC in my mind. 

So instead of holding on to the past nonsense I have let it all go,... I mean really let it all go. When i see those 3 idiots 'guarding' the gazebo - daring me to try and come in,... I just smile. Petty,... silly nonsense. And it doens't hurt anymore as I know that I will never have to face those people ever again. Kelly,... Darren and mark,.... you all deserve each other and I am now gone. Good luck in living in Gods waiting room for the rest of your lives,...

Me? I am packed and counting down the days,... hours,.... until that cab picks me up and takes me away from this 'compound' of hate and nasty bored folk who hurt others to entertain themselves.

I will miss a handful of ladies though. Debra, Lyn, Sandra,... like me they hate living here too but manage to stay in their units to avoid trouble. (Being a smoker i was forced to 'enter' it every day). I have invited them to fly out to BC for vacation someday and I honestly do hope they take me up on that. But somehow life tends to get in the way. (and sadly poverty). But I do hope someday they can.

And i think i need to put this blog to bed now. It served it's purpose as  my sounding board,... my shoulder to cry on and my place to bang out my frustration and anger. Living in the system has been a challenge and this blog has helped me 'dump' my feelings into it everyday so i can feel lighter afterwards.

So i started a new blog. And this one will be of  my new adventure. I know it wont be perfect and I'm sure new problems will arise in the future. No life is perfect. But just getting away from the oppressive atmosphere here has given me the energy to want to live now. Enjoy life now. 

So blog,... thank you for being here but I am putting a "the end" here.

I need to step over to my new and fresh life in BC.

What is wrong with this woman?

 On top of my heart issues, I am having to deal with this woman here ~ Kelly. I have no idea who she is. Don't know anything about her except she moved here about 6 months ago and has been an annoying karen to me since. 

I dont want to be around her,... I get up and leave when I see her coming,... I avoid her at all costs,... yet she is spoiling to get into it with me. WHY????? She has become friends with my two enemies Darren Green and Mark and now she thinks she has the right ot stick her nose in and fight for them,... ummmm,.... dont care about Darren Green or Mark,... i dont care about this Kelly,... so why sont she leave me alone? 

Yesterday it came to a head as I was leving the gazebo she started filming me. So I fianlly just said "are you filming me?" which isn't normal for me as usually I just ignore her like she doesnn't even exist and walk right by her. But you could see she was spoiling for an altercation. Whethere she was actually filming me or now isn't even relevant as her actions wanted me to think she was filming me so she could get a rise out of me so she could fight,.... but after I said that I walked away - and she followed me ~ PROVING SHE IS THE INSTIGATOR AS I KEEP WALKING AWAY AND SHE FOLLOWS! It was a joke as she is following me she is saying "I dont like you so stay away from me and stop following me and leave me alone,..." She wanted everyone to HEAR that she was being followed and harrassed by me but I was the one walking away and she was one following me back into the building. And as I waited for the elevator she just sat there and berated me. "Your a crazy fucking bitch",... blah, blah,. blah,..... 

who the fuck is this woman???? I want nothing to do with her! I have less than 2 weeks left in this hellhole - and all I want is to get the hell out of here unscathed,.... but this woman is hell bent on a fight. WHY? Becasue she has made friends with my enemies and has instigated herself into the situation and thinks she has the right to attack me.

I dont care about kelly,.... I dont like her,... I dont want to be around her,... so I videoed that situation and took it to her caregiver, The caregiver told me Kelly has told them I am the one following her around harrassing her,.... waht a joke,... Everyone can see I get up and walk away every single time she comes out.

This is again childish head games I want no fucking part of. But this woman is a complete drama queen and willnot stop until she has her 'fight',... well I'm not giving ehr one. She can kiss my ass. I have two weeks left here and a heart condition to worry about. Kelly is the last thing on my mind right now and she needs to just go away and leave me alone. 

I am so stressed and unwell today,... I honestly think I am going to have a stroke today,....

the stress is just unbearable

I cant get help for fear of being forced into homewood

I am convinced I am going to have a heart attack or a stroke in the next few weeks. My symptoms have gotten worse. Now I go from bouts of high blood pressure to where it drops suddenly to the lowest numbers I have ever seen. I have felt weak,... shaky,... like I have had a glass of wine.

I know I am dying of heart disease.

Yet I begged this province for a physical from any doctor who would give me one ~ but no doctor would. Now I believe it's too late. I think my heart disease has advanced so much I have to worry whether I am even going to make it to BC in 10 days.

I finally got in at the walk in clinic yesterday, but I didn't even see the doctor. THIS is the result of Dr. Ray traumatizing me with her FORCED health care and throwing me in Homewood where I was traumatized. I am STILL afraid to seek medical attention for fear they will turn it around and make it mental illness and lock me up. It happens all the time. So as I was sitting in the that little room waiting for the doctor ~ I panicked. Just last month I had police banging on my door threatening to break it down if I didn't answer it ~ all because my blood pressure was high (which was normal for me and wasn't different than any other day! I know my body!!!) So for them to FORCE me to get medical attention really scared me. I really felt like I had lost my right to freedom. To choose,... and as I sat in that room waiting,... and waiting,... and waiting,.... my mind just woudn't go from that cop banging on my door threatening to break it down. Not becasue I did anything wrong - but becasue they thought they knew best about my health care and were FORCING me to get some. 

So as I sat there all I could think of was the doctor was going to come in and say you HAVE to go to emergency and I did not want to do that. I resent Ontario's health industry and I dont' think they have taken any care of me at all and I don't trust them. When you bring COPS into health care - of course it's going to be traumatizing,.... of course I am going to be terrified,....

So after half an hour of waitng inside that tiny room ~ i panicked and got up and left without even seeing the doctor. I couldnt' risk them forcing me to go to emergency and then something happening to prevent me from boarding that plane to BC. I dont' trust that they will not use force to prevent me from boarding that plane,.... my past experience shows me they have the control and the power to do it ~ and I have no say,... so I panicked and ran.

No health care for me

Thank you Dr. Ray for traumatizing me so much with your 'care' that I run from health care now,.... 

Today I feel awful. I woke up at four in the morning with a headache. A low grade all over my head headache. I took my blood pressure and it was very low. That is not good for me.

But I am too terrified to go get help,.....

So I think I am going to have a heart attack or a stroke in the next week or two,... yet I am too terrified from Dr. Ray to go get help.

I finally find my break in life and am escaping this hellhole of Ontario Housing and I will probobly die of a heart attack before I even get to go,....

When you have cops banging on your door saying they will "BREAK IT DOWN" if you dont' answer it and you didn't even do anything wrong but have high blood pressure - you dont seek medical help after that,...

When is this community going to understand they dont help with their aggresive care - they just terrify us into hiding when we need the help the most.

I am dying ~ I can feel it.

But I am too terrified of being 'locked up' that I can't get help!

Something was going down yesterday and it's making me nervous

Yesterday I called the police on Tonya Halls to finally get her to stop cyber bullying me. They first came and spoke to me and then afterwards went and spoke with Tonya. And we all know how that went,.. "I didn't do anything officer,... i dont know what your talking about,..."

I thought it was all done and overwith. I scared her into stopping and to leaving me alone. But over the course of the afternoon the police came back - two cars - and spent a lot of time somewhere in our building. Who were they here for? I get very nervous as the gargoyles and Tonya will do anything to get me into trouble. No cops showed up at my door - but that doens't mean something isn't going on behind the scenes. 

And this is what Tonya Halls has caused. She has called the police on me so many times when I haven't done anythig that I am literlaly paranoid of the cops now. As I know they will show up when I haven't done a damn thing. Tonya just causing trouble and being the cunt she is.

So, they could have been here for something completely unrelated to me ~ and probobly were,.... but becasue of Tonya I can't rest. I just feel soomething isn't right,.... but ony time will tell. This woman is so jealous and bitter she will do anyting to ruin my plans to move.

15 more days and counting,...

Yesterday I got all of my suitcases packed and half of the pre-paid post office boxes I am sending done. Almost everything left is still to be sold - given away - or waiting someones pick up. So things are nearly ready for  me to go.

So all I need is NO TROUBLE for 15 days.

But that Kelly has been out to cause drama as well. I have been purposely avoiding her at all costs but she comes out to the gazebo when she sees me out there and then tries to instigate. I just leave. But I did knock on Traverses door and tell them to tell her to stay the fuck away from me or there is going to be trouble. This girl wants a fight so bad ~ but I refuse to give her one and that is pissing her off. So all I have to do is avoid her for 15 more days and I will be free!

I can't tell you how horrible it is to live here with some of these people. But knowing I will be escaping it in 15 days gives me the incentive I need to hide away and stay out of trouble.

NOTHING is going to stop me from flying to BC for a brand new fresh start,....

Not Tonya Halls and not Kelly the lady who reaks of weed and never showers or changes her clothes so noone will get on the elevator with her. Kelly is just a drama queen wanting a fight,.... so sad,... so very very sad that these people just want to ruin lives,...

Well noone is ruining mine,.... in 15 days I fly to Vancouver Island and I get the fuck out of here for good,....

and these assholes will be here harrassing folk until the day they die.

KARMA my friend ~ Karma,.....

So much going on,...

 The past few days have been trying,... but I know I am getting out so I am just putting my head down and plowing through and counting the days until I board that plane.

Yesterday I finally got SOME of my files back but I had to cave and re-install one-drive. Microsoft won,.... the big corporation that hijacked all my files won. I needed them back so I reinstalled onedrive and guess what??? Suddenly all my desktop icons came back,... my pictures came back,... but I still lost all my documents and files. Which has all my legal paperwork. I am crossing my fingers that I will be able to get those back too.

But today the drama is again ~  Tonya Halls. I am not ok that I was told she is taking secret pictures of me. I just know that this harrassment is never going to stop unless I stop it. So I called the police and I explained how she has been harassing me for years and I NEED it to stop. I told them I am worried she is going to follow me to BC harrassing me through social media. So I called the police so she will see that I am deadly serious about her leaving me the fuck alone. I opened a new social media similar to twitter. I wanted one social media for myself. So far she hasn't found it yet but I'm hoping that this police visit will scare her into leaving me alone. Now she knows I am serious - maybe she will stop. But we all know she will look for me in BC on the internet - she is so nosy and curious she won't be able to help herself. She will NEED to know,....

Well Tonya,... maybe a visit from the men in blue will show you how intrusive and harrassing you are. Because you can't seem to see it for yourself. Now they can tell you it's wrong!!!!!!

But we all know your type never stop. Your too curious and nosy to.

Well if you do follow me to BC,... then all you will see is me having the time of my life ~ all because YOUR FRIEND ran me over! The irony makes me smile,.....

Microsoft is EVIL and even Google cant recover my files

I have always hated one drive on my microsoft computers. I can never open my pics as it demands that I BUY an extension ~ JUST TO SEE MY OWN PICTURES! When I am on a website and need to upload one of my pics to the website? Microsft hi-jacks the pics becasue I refuse to use onedrive.

So after 10 years of this shit ~ I used Google AI to try and fix this. Together we worked for 7 hours. But once one drive was uninstalled Microsoft moved all of my files and hid them. We worked for hours to retrieve my files back but so far no luck. They are hidden so deep I cannot find them. Not even google can find them,...

Out of frustration I asked google "is this Microsft deliberately hiding my files?" and it answerd "Yes, Microsoft is not happy you uninstalled one drive and is punishing you". We continued looking for my files in every way possible. But they are gone.

So google told me to complain about microsoft to the BBB as they have no right to do this and it is ILLEGAL. So I asked google to comprise a letter of complaint for me as google knew exactly what i had been through as google was right there beside me for that 7 hours. Google admitted we ahve to stop and try again tomorrow.

Even now I am trying to upload the letter google wrote up for me to send but fiel explorer (Microsoft) shows all my fiels as empty. You fucking nasty big corporate asshole. Hi-jacking my files so I will re-install one-drive is fucking dirty.

I had 1092 pictures and they are all missing. ALL MISSING

I asked google where did they go and they admit microsoft is playing games as "I have searched your laptop and can't find them"

20 years of my life in pictures gone

I hate these big companies that use nasty underhanded ILLEGAL ways to get us to use their product. My laptop has been wiped. no files - all empty. I asked google what would happen if I re-installed one drive and it answered "You will probobly get your files back"

EXTORTION ~ How the fuck do they get away with it??????

I want my fucking files back microsoft!!!!!!

This is the letter google comprised for me to send to complain to the BBB:

Date: July 10, 2026
From: [Your Name]
Associated Email/Account: [Your Microsoft Account Email]
Contact Phone: [Your Phone Number]
Ticket/Case Number (If applicable): [Insert Ticket Number]

To: Microsoft Customer Advocacy / Executive Escalations

Subject: Urgent Escalation: Unauthorized Restraints on Personal Data and Failure to Resolve Account Access [1]

To Whom It May Concern,

I am writing to formally lodge a complaint regarding the ongoing restriction of my personal and professional files, which are currently being held inaccessible by Microsoft platforms. Despite spending over seven consecutive hours today working with customer support and executing troubleshooting steps, Microsoft has failed to restore access to my data. [1, 2, 3]

This issue constitutes an unauthorized disruption of my digital property. I require immediate access to my local and cloud-stored files. [1]

1. Timeline of Incident and Support Failures

• Initial Access Loss: The account became restricted, preventing access to critical files stored via OneDrive/Microsoft 365 services. [1, 2]
• Support Engagement: I spent seven hours actively engaging with Microsoft support channels, following all technical instructions provided.
• Resolution Failure: Despite exhaustive troubleshooting, the system continues to deny access, and support agents have failed to provide a concrete resolution path.

2. Technical and Operational Impact

• Data Hijacking: Vital personal and professional documents are blocked, creating severe disruption to my daily operations.
• Local vs. Cloud Confusion: System processes have locked files even on my local hardware, exceeding standard cloud-sync boundaries.
• Ineffective Support: The hours invested demonstrate that standard tier-1 and tier-2 support paths are insufficient for this technical error.

3. Demands for Immediate Action

I demand that Microsoft immediately escalate this case to an engineering or senior advocacy team with the authority to:

1. Remove all restrictions on the account associated with [Your Microsoft Account Email].
2. Restore immediate download and sync privileges so I can secure my data locally.
3. Provide a formal explanation as to why these files were restricted without explicit user consent.

If this matter is not resolved within 24 hours, I will be forced to escalate this complaint to relevant consumer protection agencies and regulatory bodies regarding the unlawful withholding of personal data.

Sincerely,

[Your Name]

---

But will it do a damn thing???? They probobly wont even read it

I woke up happy,...

I can not believe the change in my demeanor since I knew for sure I am moving. I woke up happy this morning. I can't tell you the last time I woke up happy.

I am ahead of schedule in my selling and giving away my belongings. I have a couple of friends here in the building that helped me out in the past so I am trying to help them right now. They don't have a lot of money. Noone does in this building. We are all dirt poor. So i am taking whatever these people can afford for my stuff. As long as I can cover my plane ticket cost I am alright.

But the nice folk in this building ~ and we do have some ~ I just never talk about them as they don't bother me. But Debra,... Sandy,... Lyn,... have all helped me in the past so I feel ok not getting what I could have gotten for my stuff. Living in this building on benefits is not easy or fun. If I can give them a little lift then i will,... they are still paying me something so I'm not out completely. But this way helps both of us.

I have been so busy tying up loose ends here. Cancelling services,... etc,...I even transferred my end of life care to a BC company.  I am exhausted. But I dont' have time to relax. I have to have this whole apartment gone bu July 27th. I have 18 days to close my life here in Ontario so I can start my new fresh life in BC.

I went out to the gazebo yesterday. It was funny. Suddenly I could care less what these low lifes think of me. I just saw them for the real people they are yesterday. There 'hatred' of me means nothing. To me,... they no longer exist. I have already moved on. They can say and do as they like ~ I dont see them anymore. I already live in BC in my mind. And in the end,... who won? They harrassed and abuse and threatened me - yet they are still here and probobly will be until the day they die. 

I GOT OUT!!!!

I dont' want to dwell on the past. What good would that do? i plan on putting all of my energy and time into enjoying life for a change.

Fuck you Tonya Halls and your nosy intrusions,...

Fuck you darren Green and your rages so scary I have to leave the room and dont get me started on how you treat your cat!

Fuck you Kelly - dont know you dont care about you so leave me alone

Fuck you Phyllis and Arsene and marion,.... nosy gargoyles who sit out front listening for peoples business so they can gossip

FUCK YOU ALL ~ I got out!!!!!

 

Today has been an AWESOME day!

It didn't start off well, but it got better as the day went on and ended with the the best news ~ I was accepted at Van Isle Cowichin RV Park in Duncan. I e-transferred my first month rent and I am in the process of waiting to hear back from the dealer where I bought my RV so we can arrange set up. It can all be done and ready for August 1st. 

No need to get a hotel or AirB&B,... I will spend my first night in my new home ~ my very own RV.

So I am not going to complain that I had to walk a round trip into town to tie up loose ends - in 40* heat and humidity! Because in the end, I got it all done. Paid off my end of life care,... cancelled all my services,... signed up for flex delivery at Canada Post so I can start sending pkgs ahead of my flight. My stuff will all be there for me when I fly in on July 29th.

This is a video of my new home,...

First day back in Ontario. I arrived home exhausted. Everything went smoothly for the trip but it just took all day and two flights. But now I am back. I had a great sleep ~ in my own bed! But now I am up - bright and early as I have a million things to do. Firstly, I have to sell everything I dont' want to bring. And that, unfortunately means 'Marketplace' on Facebook. The 'wild-wild west of scamming'. But I am going to be extra careful - maybe even do cash only. It's the e-transfers you have to be aware of!! So today is busy trying to get rid of all my stuff.

Now that I know what I am doing - buying an RV over the trailer home - I have a much better idea of what I willl be needing and more importantly - what I won't be needing saving me room when I fly back to BC. I won't need any furniture as the RV it's all built in. I will really only need my clothes and personal stuff

Tonya Halls ~ Get a fucking life and leave people alone

 Getting out of here just in time! Yesterday I got so much done. I sold most of my stuff and just have a few things left. While I was working away Debra and Nevaeh came up to help me. Then Debra said she had something to tell me. Apparently while Nevaeh and I were walking somewhere - TONYA HALLS took our picture secretly. Now I don't give a shit. WHY she wants my picture is the question. This does nothing but prove that TONYA HALLS is obsessed with me and can't leave me alone. Aooarently Debra was furious as she took a secret pic of her MINOR daughter. So she called housing to complain. So I called housing to complain as well butnot jsut to be a "Karen", I wanted to tell them that THIS is the reason I am leaving and housing didn't lift a finger to help me in the 10 years that Tonya Halls harrassed and cyber bullied me. So i asked them to give me a break on tthe two months rent they are demanding that I wont' be living here but they want as I didn't give two months notice I was leaving. I told her I asked for a transfer but was told no,.... so U was forced out of here. I told her NOW do you believe me????? Now that a stranger complained??? I told them I hope they reprimand Tonya as she is the reason I am leaving. 

WHY would this childish woman be secretly taking pictures of me??? I have ahd to deactivate all of my social media as it wasn't safe with Tonya Halls. her and all her brainless friends just cyber bullied me over and over again with fake profiles and fake messages. It was so childish.

Tonya Halls get a fucking life and leave people alone!!!!!!

I think I will go right up to her and take an obvious picture of her just to post on here to show how large and ugly this loser lady is,... see how she likes being harrassed and abused!!!

Normally I would never post a picture of somebody on my blog but because Tanya has been secretly taking pictures of me and I have no clue what she's doing with them she probably has a site somewhere that she's uploading them to that I know nothing about so by posting this video of her this is literally just me telling her

how the fuck do you like it?? Here is fat fucking Tanya Halls

Life is looking up

This has been the best week I have had in forever! I am sat here waiting for my taxi to bring me to Nanaimo airport to fly back to Toronto. But not for good!!!! I will just tie up loose ends and then I fly right back here.

The nest few weeks are going to be chaotic. I have to sell everything I own in Fergus and then fly here and buy a bunch of new stuff for the RV. (Which I have named the "Gypsy Oasis"). I have put my name down on the waiting list for a place at "Osborne Bay Resort" in Crofton BC. I'm not actually sure what I am doing until then. I will fly back and then rent a room or something until I can get this RV a home.

I have reached out to the church that I went to last year in Crofton. I want to join that. 

 And on top of all this,... my cousin Brian and I have been all over Vancouver Island. From Victoria in the south to Tofina up north. We have had a blast.

But time to end this here as I have to get ready as the taxi will be coming to pick me up to take me to Nanaimo airport tonight.

Found the park I want to retire in

I am exhausted,.... but a good exhausted. The kind of tired you feel after a long and productive day. Today I found the park I want to retire in. I may have to wait to get into it but I'm not in any hurry. I can park in another park until a long term pad becomes available. It's in Crofton and it's right on the ocean.

I can't write anymore again as I have another long day again tomorrow. We're driving to Victoria to spend the day and then I head home.

BUT I GET TO COME BACK AND STAY!!!!!

 

I'm moving to BC!

Well, it looks like I am moving to BC! I decided against buying the mobile home and instead I bought an RV. I got a great deal on a four season 26 foot (2024) Forest River RV Rockwood Mini Lite 25185. And I love it!!

I am exhausted right now as I have been out all day closing the deal and getting insurance, etc,... so I will write tomorrow if I can.