I am so discouraged. I am trying so hard but I am overwhelmed with it all and just want life to go away. I refuse to live here in Ontario Housing any longer. My mental health deteriorated so bad I have become suicidal. I need to get out of this building. But that is not easy.
There is nowhere affordable in Ontario. So I am looking into BC. Why BC? The weather. No more harsh winters causing me such pain. But finding a place to live has become a trial. I only have $100,000 and i have bills of $15,000 to pay off once my GIC matures in September. I still have to pay off my headstone and cemetary plot. I'm sure after it's all paid I will have about $80,000 to use. I need to buy an RV and then find a park or pad to put it on which will cost me about $1000 a month. I can't afford that but I will have to make it work. If i can get an RV for 30,000 that would leave plenty to live off of if I am frugal and careful. Which I already am. Queen of budgeting! The problem seems to lie in the parks and pads I need. They don't want to take me as my monthly income is too low.
I can't seem to catch a break. All I want to do is live! But Canada has priced me right out of living!!!! My cousin left a text last night which I read this morning saying the woman in his park is worried I dont' have a monthly income and doesn't want to let me in that park.
What do I have to do to be seen???? What do I have to do to get a place to live? I shouldn't have to work like its my full-time job just to find housing. It's inhumane that noone will let me live there,....
So I called Maids again. And I emailed them when I will be on the Island and see if they can arrange an appointment with me while I am there. I am so fed up of being invisable and unworthy noone will even give me a place to life ~ even when I DO have the money.
What am I expected to do????? I feel like this world hates me and just wants me gone. So I think thats what I will work on. Noone will let me live in their trailer park or apartment or RV or tiny home,... noone wants me full stop.
I think it's just time to admit defeat and just do it. If BC Maids wont do it for me,... then I will just take the ferry to Vancouver to the downtown eastside where hundreds and hundreds of homeless drug addicts live and I will just take an overdose and die.
I am not begging this planet to live!!!!! If they wont help me find a home,... then I just end it all,....
how the fuck did I become so invisable,... so worhtless,.... so disposable,......
I just neeed to die now
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