What a cruel world we live in

I have totally given up now. I feel I have tried my best to find new housing but this country is in such bad decline the lower class don't stand a chance anymore. There isn't anything affordable to us at all out there,... NOTHING

I called my cousin and told him I won't need him to drive me to Georgina. I didn't tell him it's because it's too late as I didn't want him to feel bad. None of this is his fault. Infact I kind of dragged him into it. I was so desperate for someone to help me. He is a kind person and just as I thought, he couldnt' say no. But in my heart I felt bad because I dont' think he really wanted to have to drive so far. He just said yes because he's kind. But I am not his responsibility and I really had no right to ask him for help of any kind.So I told him to forget it as the house I wanted was sold.

I called the real estate agent and let her know I wouldn't be able to get there so I wouldn't be buying the house.

I then deactivated my Facebook account again as I am finished with Marketplace. No need to sell anymore. I'm not moving.

Now I am just going to be tying up loose ends. Making sure my end of life stuff is completely paid off which means I have to break my GIC. 

My apartment is all packed ready to move,... but I'm not going anywhere. So I am living out of boxes. I'm too exhausted to put everything back. I know what I will be doing so why bother? Just leave it for whoever to deal with. They can keep it all. It never meant anything to me anyway. All new,...from starting over. 

I had just been back a year. I had bought all new stuff. I had adopted Molly and Murphy. I thought life could be good if only I could get out of this building. 

And then Crash,.... every avenue I tried I was met with a problem. A dilema,... a wall. And no matter how much I tried, nothing ever came into fruition. I failed. And now theres nowhere to go. I am stuck in this unit,... in this building until the day I die.

So now I need to die. And now the real planning begins,...

I am so sad that my life is going to end not even close to how I would want it to. But I'm not hanging around to be bullied,... to live in pain,... to live in isolation,... I'm done with all that.

And sadly the only way out now is suicide.

What a fucking cruel world we live in