Until someone gets me out of this building and into affordable housing ~ I am Refusing medical care

I don't know what to do. I feel 'off'. Not sick - just 'off'. I have been taking my new medication for my blood pressure and my BP went down just as it was suppose to. But this morning I woke up and it has spiked quite high. I googled my situation and it is saying to go directly to emergency services,.... 

But I don't want to. Maybe this is my chance to die.

Maybe if i just leave it I will have a fatal heat attack and die.

Finally finding peace,.....

Yeah,.... I think I choose death over homelessness and hunger and the general 'your not worth anything' attitude of being poor.

So today I wait to die

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This is the Canadian law around denying health care:

 I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECLINE

Until someone gets me out of this building and into affordable housing ~ I am Refusing medical care

https://www.ontario.ca/laws/statute/96h02(the website to the law)

I will do whatever it takes to get the hell out of here

I have been trying to avoid the drama at all cost. I go out to the gazebo - chit chat about small stuff - keep things chill - and then go back inside. But the people in this building make that hard to do. I have purposely been avoiding kelly. I don't like her,... I dont' want to talk to her,... I don't even want to see her. So twice now she has come out while I was out there and both times I just said I had a game about to start and left. I don't want drama!!! She is the kind who is going to notice i am avoiding her and will probobly try to confront me about it. But I have no interest in that. I just leave. The minute she confronts me - she will expect a fight. But she won't get one from me. Ever. I have had enough of this childish - thugish - behaviour.

 If you like him then I hate you,... blah, blah, blah,... it's bloody exhausting. So I plan on avoiding her at all cost. WHY invite drama by being sucked into her world. If she wants to be Darren and Marks bitch then thats her perogative but I will not give her what she wants. DRAMA. 

So even though it's gorgeous outside right now and that is exaactly what I want to do - go utside for a smoke - I won't. I just can't deal with the children that want tnothing more than to instigate drama.

Kelly ~ You have only been here 5 minutes and you have instigated yourself in a situation you dont' belong,....

I hate this place.

I have an appointment with that finacial planner tomorrow. If I have to wait one more year to roll that money so I can leave this damn place? Then I will. 

I have one goal in life right now and that is to escape this fucking horrible drug-riddled place where grown ass adults act like complete children,.... bored, nasty mean girls with nothing to do but cause drama,....

No more,... I'm done,.... what ever it takes,.... and i mean WHATEVER it takes to get out of here.

Blood pressure has finally dropped to a safe zone

My blood pressure is finally under control. He gave me the strong medication as he wanted it to come down quickly. And it has. I have been feeling a bit lethargic and have a headache which may be symptoms of my pressure dropping so fast. I will probobly start to feel better in a few days.

I have just been spending my days watching FIFA games. Canada tied 1-1 so we get a world cup point! England doesn't play until Wednesday so I'll be looking forward to that.

I have been trying to stay inside as much as I can. The gazebo has become a minefield of personalities and drugs. Not a very happy enviroment. I go out and smoke and come right back in. With so many soccer games to watch I barely notice I'm hardly going out.

I have been looking for a mobile home again. This time I think I will look furthur north. Muskoka/Gravenhurst/Bracebridge seems like a nice area. I do realize northern Canada is a bitch in the winter. I am prepared for that. But I can get more home for my money if I go furthur north. But in order to do it right, I think I will plan a trip up there. Get a motel for a few days, hire an agent and just spend the whole time looking for a home. I'm going to go to BC first and enjoy my vacation but when I get back I am going to do some very serious looking for a new home. 

I ran into my friend upstairs and she is planning on moving too. She, too, is fed up with the nonsense going on here. Presently she has Mark (yes, that Mark that - the one who accousted me and threatened me out of the gazebo) lives under her apartment and HE has been writing her up for smoking on her balcony. She is on oxygen and can't smoke right now. So he is wrong but writing her up anyway. Nonsense from bored school children on a playground. So Mark isn't just annoying me then,... he is a Karen to her as well. LOL  He's a 50'ish year old man with noone in his life but a tiny dog. So bored he has to write people up. What is wrong with these people?????

Hopefully I will get out of here by next year. It may take longer if I have to look up north now, but I have all the time I need. No deadline means I can be choosier and get what I want. If I take my matured GIC money and roll that for a few more months I can accumulate even more of a downpayment while I wait. 

Is there hope? I don't want to get too excited as things always seem to crumble at the last minute for me,... but I will be optomistic. Seeing that meth head out of his mind infront of our building yet again yesterday was the last straw.

I refuse to live here anymore. I just don't feel safe.

My dream,... can I make it happen?

I am so disheartened,...

It is not even 10:30 in the morning and I have already had to perform gorilla warfare tactics to avoid Jen during my laps (she is wandering the building asking for stuff - again!) I have been ducking into stairwells,... deeking into alcoves,.... she just seemed to be everywhere. So I went outside to chill in the gazebo. But when I came back in I had to see the 'meth-head' in a wheelchair higher than a kite rambling to noone incoherently sitting by the front door. I had to take a detour to get by him. There were 4 seniors sitting outside 20 feet away just trying to enjoy this glorious weather we are having but instead they have to watch this strung out meth head.

I am so disheartened with living here.

I need to get out!

Can't escape

I hate it here. Yesterday I ran into Aidrian at the walkin clinic and told him I would tell him what I find out when I got back, but the appointment was for my high blood pressure. When I walked back I saw Aidrian in the gazebo with Jen, Mark and Darren. I started to walk over and Darren and Mark got up to leave as they always do when I come in (which I secretly love as I get a chair now,... and I don't have to deal with them,...lol). But Jen was also in there. I do not like this woman as she does nothing but grift off of everyone, and is always high or drunk and talks nothing but nonsense we don't even understand half the time. 

By the time I get into the gazebo it is just the 3 of us. Adrian asks how it went. I start to tell him,... I tell him it's bad news and explain I have a serious heart condition. He behaves appropriately with "wow, thats not good,.." or something along those lines. But Jen? Who by the way isn't even in this conversation, interrupts with the old "Thats nothing, I,..." and proceeded to tell us her whole life problems. Every time we see this woman she tells us her problems. I got fed up and told her a game was about to start and I just got up and left. I didn't even get to talk to Aidrian about my news as she just wouldn't let me talk. She talked about how she had a dream that her daughter was dead.  I mean I didn't want to hear any of this. But she just took over as she always does. I've never met such an entitled - clueless to everyone around her - woman. She only sees herself. 

I am so fed up of the addicts and alcoholics I am forced to sit with in that gazebo. All they do is ask for money or whine about their problems. WE ALL HAVE PROBLEMS. But the old-timers I hang out with we just keep them to ourselves. But not Jen,... no she wants the whole world to think she is so hard done by yet she won't lift a finger to help herself. She has been in rehab twice this year alone and keeps leaving. NO SYMPATHY as we have all tried to help her but we end up getting used. We have all given up trying to help her and now just try and avoid her. But she won't leave us alone.

I am so frustrated living here I just want out!!!!!!!

How did I end up here in this degenerate hell hole???? HOW????

If I can't escape this place, I think it's better I just die of a heart attack anyway. Life is not enjoyable anymore and I'd rather just be gone,....

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P.S. I found my keys! I guess I dropped them outside somewhere and someone picked them up and left them in the common room. The fob has been deactivated but atleast I still have my Manchester United lanyard. 

Not the best of news

*** sigh *** 

Everything has changed ~ again ~ and not for the better this time.

The home is gone. The park it was in is switching over to seasonal and not doing 12 month occupancy so that deal is gone,.... gone,.... gone,...

But that isn't even the reason I won't be moving soon. During the FIFA game this afternoon, I started getting palpatations in my chest. I took my blood pressure and it was very high. So I called the walk-in and got an appointment. It was still high when I got there. He prescribed me medication and then made an appointment with a heart specialist. I have to get bloodwork done as well. I asked him if I was ok to fly, as I am off to BC in 2 weeks. He re-listened to my heart and said yeah. Just make sure I get myself to that heart specialist.

My grandfather died of a heart attack at a very young age. 50. He left my grandma pregnant with 7 kids. My cousin John is still alive but he had a heart attack in his 50's (I'll be 63 in September) He had 95% blockage and 3 stents put in. 

So, I have been told not to over exert.

So my BC trip might look a bit different. No surfing or ocean swimming. Maybe more sight-seeing and enjoying cafe's and restaurants this time. 

And,... I have to put looking for a new place on the back burner. Not wise to cause myself more stress. So once again - my plans have changed. Now nothing gets done until I see this heart specialist.

So now I just go and enjoy BC and then deal with my heart when I get back. Whatever that ends up looking like. Once my health is under control I will resume looking for a home.

So now I sit here with my apartment packed. I have just the day-to-day stuff left out but everything else is already packed up in boxes. I thought I would have been moved by now.

And i didn't have to get Molly and Murphy re-homed so quickly either. I still struggle with missing them. But it was better to rehome them as kittens rather than when they were older and I love the family they went to so I know they are well loved and looked after. But boy do I ever miss them. The apartment seems so quiet and still now.

I got a ride to Georgina

I got a ride to Georgina!!!! June 17th!

This is awesome news!!! The mobile home I want is still for sale and I finally got a ride to go and view it.

It's dropped in price so much if I like it I can buy it cash and have NO MORTGAGE!

Can't write right now as the Canada game is on but I was so excieted about getting a ride that I had to post