I am totally broken,....

I am walking away from RV life,...

Selling this money pit of a tin can,....

I'm done

But I have nowhere to go or money to move there 

So it's time,...

If society won't allow me to afford breathing 

then I leave this world

Buying an RV is a scam. They are garbage!!!!

DO NOT BUY A NEWER RV!

When I bought this RV, it was because I was in a desperate situation. I had to get out of a toxic situation in Ontario. My plan was to move to BC. Buy an RV and start a fresh life. Seemed fool-proof in theory. In practice,... it has been a nightmare.

What annoys me most of all is that I did my homework. I researched RV's for 5 months before I bought one. The one thing I did hear over and over again from the RV community was that RV's built after covid (around 2020) are all manufacturing GARBAGE! But the problem with that is,... that RV Parks will only allow new RV's to use their parks now. Ten years old and newer. So I had to buy a newer RV so I would have parks accept me for the next 8 years. Anything after 2016 will not get you into any RV parks. The system doens't allow you to buy older, better built RV's. So we are forced to buy newer ones and then we have all found out newer ones are garbage! 

I have a 2024 Rockwook Mini-lite. 26 foot. It looks beautiful!! When I walked onto the "Arbutus RV sales lot" I asked to see 4 season RV's. The sales men immediately said on Vancouver island you won't need a four season RV. Luckily for me I had my cousin with me and he immediately cut him off and said we only want to see 4 season RV's. They only had 4. I looked at the one I bought and i fell in love. It was beautiful. All shiny and clean and sleek looking. Both Brian and I gave it a good going over and saw nothing to concern us.

I went ahead and paid $51,000 for this RV.

I was promised it was turn-key. No problems - just  move in and enjoy.

Lets move ahead to last night. I WAS FROZEN. I have learned that this trailer has no way to maintain the heat. It instantly disappears through this shoddily built tin can. When the furnace is on (run by very expensive propane) I am warm. But 5 minutes after the furnace shuts off it is freezing again. All the heat has disappeared. Last night I didn't even sleep I was so cold. I sat up in 3 layers of clothes. A winter hat and blanket with a hearting pad plugged into a bluetti charger (as plugging it into my wiring would short it out). 

I was still cold. Toasty warm when the furnace ran,... but after it stopped the cold rushes right back.

To date I have spent so much money I have gone into debt. When I started this move I had over $100,000.00. Today I am in debt. This RV hemorrhaged money out of my bank account. Every day something new broke I had to replace. I have spent thousands on repairs just to make it livable and I have only been in it for less than 3 months.

I belong to a few Facebook RV groups and I am seeing that I am not the only one who has been scammed by this industry. THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of people are facing the same harsh reality. The Rv's we spent our life savings on, are garbage. I only lost $100,000.00 but there are people who paid well over $200,000 (and more) for their new RV's for a fresh new start and almost all of these folk are regreeting their buy.

RV manufacturing is a joke. Everything they produce now is garbage. And, WE, the consumer are paying for it.

I myself have decided that my life has to end. I have been scammed,... used,.... conned and bullied once too often and now I have given up. I am old,... disabled and in pain. I refuse to live my last few years in a freezing tin can miserable. Unable to get the health care I need I am deciding to give up.

Last night was horrible. FREEZING cold. I dont deserve this. I did my homework. I did everything right and yet life scammed me anyway.

I am learning that life will never let me win.

To the people making and selling RV's. STOP taking good folks money just to have them watch their homes fall apart right infront of their eyes.

Our dreams,.... our hard earned money,.... GONE. Stolen by an industry that just doens't care what happens once that tin can drives off their lot.

Well I, and many, many others are paying for it.

Every single day I find something else that is broken and will cost me more money to fix. Well as of today I no longer put one more penny into this lemon. Infact,... I am thinking of how I can walk away from this RV altogerther. It's a badly built tin can that can't even hold any heat. And I am stuck with it. Can't sell it as it has depreciated so much I wouldn't get my money back. But I can't live in it. You can't live in a place that you have to wear a winter hat and 3 layers of clothes to stay warm.

I did not deserve this. But I am too tired to care anymore,....

I just want to be gone now. Die of a heart attack and escape this mess.

I hate my life and just want to die now. And with my heart problem, that probobly won't be long from now. I would say weeks rather than months i will be dead.

And after the past 10 years ~ I couldn't be happier I will die.

Get me off this unfair horrible planet ~ I have had enough.

If noone cares anyway,... why should I even bother trying to get help?

I don't even know where to begin this post. I have been phoning multiple agencies for help but all I get is "We can't help you here,... try this number instead" I feel like all I do is sit on the phone and BEG for help that never materializes. Just the fucking run-around.

My blood pressure is extremely high again. Infact, just for fun I googled it. And the answer??? GO GET HELP IMMEDIATELY!

So do I call 911 and have to pay $80 I don't have? Go to ER - sit in there all day for a 2 month prescription and then when that runs out have to start all over again looking for meds? NO ~ I am done with that bullshit bandaid care.

Do I phone the urgent care in the HOPES of getting an appointment and where I am only allowed ONE complaint??? Even if they DO have an available appointment I have to walk an hour there and an hour back just to access it. I am not well enough anymore to do that.

Or do I do nothing and hope to die,....

I am totally alone looking for health care. Noone is helping me at all. No matter who I call or talk to it is bandaid care that I have to climb a mountain to get. So I sat and asked myself.

If noone else cares about my health care then why should I anymore?????????

And with that ~ I decided to stop looking for care and just let myself die.

But this realization broke me. Discovering that NOT ONE PERSON gives a rats ass about my severe high blood pressure, has just left me feeling despondant. Invisable,... unworthy and a waste of breath

So if noone even notices I am desperate then that tells me noone cares anyway,...

and that has left me feeling like the worst fucking person on this planet.

A MONSTER that does't deserve 

And with that, I now just pray to die

If noone cares about my health care, then noone will care that I am dead.

And that is the most devastating realizations and I just can't live with that. NOONE FUCKING CARES!

All I wanted was help ~ too late now ~ I will be dead in a few months

I need help. With multiple things,.... but instead I am invisable. Unseen,... worthless to this society.

I have been on the phone for the past few weeks trying to get health care and help with Superior Propane gouging me. But it just seems I never dial the correct number and I just get fobbed off and told to call another number which ends up equally useless.

NOONE seems to be able to help me. NOONE!

So I am done.

I no longer ask for help from anybody, about anything.

I sit here and wait to die

And that wont' take long with my blood pressure 

Fuck you canada ~ I do not need to die! but I dont see how to get help

YOU HAVE LET ME DOWN and now I will die

FUCK CANADA

I'm so done

I just heard from Superior Propane. A huge national company scammed me.

I can't fight a huge corporation

They want over $560 PLUS a bill when they come to remove my tank

So fuck off world this is the last straw

I am ending my life

Superior propane 

I hope this 'being right' was worth it because I can't take one more scam,... con,.... 

I am done

If i am dead NOONE can con me again

FUCK YOU SUPERIOR PROPANE Some people just don't have the money and can't be bothered being chased by debt collectors for the restr of my life.

YOU WIN ~ I DIE
Fuck this world

Happy Birthday to a daughter who hates me but I love her more than life itself

 October 19th 1994

This is the day my youngest daughter was born.

But she doesn't like me

I apologize ~ she ignores like I didn't even say anything

I don't even exist to my children. 

I am a monster

I can't live without my children

or knowing my family thinks I'm a monster

It's time to just go away,....

go away,....

go away,....

and thanks to our horrible health care system? I won't even need to do it myself. My blood pressure tells me I will be dead in 6 months anyway

I go to my grave a monster my children couldn't stand to even look at

I just want to die now

I am so frustrated right now. It is Monday morning. I have had a nice weekend. Infact, the weekends are the only time I am happy. And that is because on the weekend I have my cousin Brian. For companionship, (I am so fucking bored trapped inside that tiny, tiny RV!), for help getting laundry and other stuff done I have no way of doing on my own. Two days of relief from severe boredom and frustration. But now it is Monday morning again. A whole week ahead of me of nothing to do,... nothing to do,.... nothing to do,...

My blood pressure is up and down. Never good. Sometimes its only regular high but often it is dangerously high

I should be calling 911

I will not

Because health care is just too hard to get in Canada without a family doctor. I give up climbing mountains just for a 'you can only discuss one issue' visit with a nurse practioner. NO DOCTOR!!! Just bandaid care. well you can take your fucking bandaid care and shove it up your fucking ass. I'm tired and can't climb your fucking mountains to get help,.... so I give up.

I am fed up of being invisable to this country and to the world

I would rather die of a heart attack

I hate my life and I really just want to die

Sitting in a tiny 200 square foot tin can with nothing to do but watch tv is mind numbing. I am not living,.... I am just breathing.

My anxiety is out of control. I sit here feeling like I am going to have a panic attack all the time. My stomach is in knots,... my nerves are on fire,.. everything bothers me.

I just need to die!!!!!