I would rather be dead than live this fucking poverty and pain

 This is my blood pressure today

 I am so angry 

And this is me on blood pressure medication

 I hope I fucking die today!!

My country and my province have let me down and I am not going to suffer because they fucked up!!!!!!

I would rather be DEAD!

even our MP doesn't care

The letter I sent to our local MP this morning:



I sent you a letter on June 1st but I got no reply.

I have heart disease and I am dying of it.

But since I am trapped in this building I can't live in,.... and there is NO AFFORDABLE housing anywhere in Canada,.... I have had t make a very radical decision.

What is the point of heart surgery to get better if there is no place to live?

So as of today,....

I am refusing all medical treatment.

I am absolutely miserable living here being harassed and bullied and threatened but because I have looked for two years for affordable housing I am confident in saying CANADA does not have nay affordable housing.

So I am choosing DEATH.

I would rather die of a heart attack than be homeless.

But even after writing you,... just like the rest of the world, you didn't even bother to answer. I was just another annoying KAREN to you. You didn't even think I was important enough to even answer,.... and your just like the rest of them. If you can't help then you just ignore and let suffer.

I don't need your help anymore
I am choosing to die.

I don't know what one has to do to be seen and helped in this community

So I choose to leave it

And my heart is broken that I have been so INVISABLE and WORTHLESS I don't even get answers from people = just ignored.


Jacquie Holyoak

I am choosing to die

I have decided

to refuse all

medical treatment

until someone finds me

affordable housing

I refuse to live here 

but there is

NO

affordable housing

in all of 

Canada 

for me

SO I AM CHOOSING TO DIE

I am choosing to stop all medical treatment and let myself die

I woke up to bad news. It seems every morrning I wake up to bad news. Anything I had ben working on the day before usually gets shown to be a NO the next morning. And that happened again. I found lots of mobile homes I can afford in Gravenhurst. I reached out to the agent who emailed me back. That is the bad news I got. They are all way too rural. He said there is no taxi ride nto town and I woulddn't be able to get groceries and supplies.

No car - no mobile home

I have been looking for over 2 years now.

I have decided that there IS NO AFFORDABLE HOUSING IN ALL OF CANADA for me.

So now everything changes again.

I had an appointment with the heart specialist for testing TODAY.  But now,.... I am not going. I am refusing all medical treatment until I die now. What is the point of getting better if I can't afford to live anywhere,....

So fuck you Canada

I choose DEATH

Did I find the place to buy a new home??? Fingers crossed

Today has been a good day. I can't say that very often lately. It started off with my cousin Sheila texting me to say she is planning a dinner for me while I am in BC. We chatted for a bit. I leave in less than 2 weeks. I'm getting excited now.

England played today in FIFA and won and got 3 points so that was awesome.

And in doing my daily search for a new home I found a pocket of affordable mobile homes. In Gravenhurst Ontario. It's quite far up north but I knew I was going to have to relocate qutie far to find something I can afford. I see five homes all under $******. So I emailed a local agent in that area and asked if he could contact me.

Now I wait,...

Things here are miserable. I have been avoiding Kelly like the plague. I just give an excuse and leave when she comes in. She knows she is being dissed but doens't know why. I just can't deal with the drama. Whenever she is around - drama is too,...

I just want a quiet peaceful life 

So I am crossing my fingers that Gravenhurst can give me that life.

897 views in 2 hours,... what????

Because of all the nosy people in my building who do nothing but troll me on the internet, I keep my blogs set to private now. Ever since TONYA HALLS got me evicted by printing out my blog and then using exerpts of MY OWN WRITING to get me evicted. She literally printed out my whole blog and then went through it and sent Ontario housing exerpts to get me evicted. I had adimited that while the paramedics were here - I smoked in my unit to get my blood pressure to go down quickly (and it worked as it always does) but Tonya Halls in her nosy, nasty, vindictive, manipulative instigator ways thought it would be 'fun' to do this. CUNT

I was evicted and that is why I went to BC.

So imagine my anger when I opened my blog this afternoon to find nearly 900 views in under 2 hours. Noone can read that much in that time so they have printed it out. 

Someone has printed out this whole blog! Why?

If it is you - contact me and let me know why! My life is none of your business. I left this blog on public by mistake for one afternoon and someone printed the whole damn thing out.

WHO?

WHY?

I am so sick of the nasty toxic people in this building whos goal in life is to hurt other people,.... WHY?

This is the last straw

I am NOT coming back from BC. Ontairo is nasty and toxic and I hate living here

i would rather be dead in BC than alive in Ontario being used and abused and threatened buy the people in this building. 

FUCK ONTARIO

FUCK THIS BUILDING

FUCK LIVING HERE

I am going to BC and I am NOT coming back 

I will be ending my life on the downtown eastside 

For 10 fucking years the people in this building have not left me alone. I feel like my whole existence is avoiding people in this building. It's exhausting!

WHY?

I have had enought and now it's time to fucking DIE!

When you have nothing but nasty in your life it's time to fucking DIE!

There is not ounce of JOY in my life - just misery!

This building is a toxic cesspool of anstyness and I refuse to live here one more fucking month

Time to fucking DIE!

  

 I just checked my stats and someone has printed out this blog this blog is now permanently closed