I am not above apologizing

 I have always said that I am not above apologizing if I am wrong. And today I am having to do just that. I just got a call from Housing and they DID actually check the cctv footage and Darren green did NOT take my keys.

So, even though I hate this kid with a passion,... I have to report that I was wrong and Darren Green did not take my keys. I apologize to Darren (even if it kills me to do so). But if he didn't take them he doesn't deserve to be blamed. 

I apologize!!!!!

But,... where did my keys go? The cctv footage shows me with the keys going into the laundry room. But I don't remember where they went after that. I remember putting the laundry in and then going to my unit to get my walker to go out to the gazebo for a quick smoke before coming back in. I never lock my door (I have a doorbell camera) so I didn't need my keys. They just disappeared,.... I have ripped this whole apartment apart 3 times. I am confident they are not here. They have either been lost off of my walker as i was going outside and they are outside and someone picked them up????? Or did I 'lose' them in the gazebo somehow. It is a complete mystery. Housing asked could someone have lifted them out of my cup holder on my walker while I was in the gazebo? Yes,... possible but not probable. At this point I guess I'll never know.

But if I lost them somewhere outside - who picked them up and KNEW they were mine with my manchester United Lanyard that everyone knows I wear nothing but Manchester United,... Noone would have to ask whos keys they were. Most would know they were  mine. And if they didn't,... why not leave them in the common room where I keep looking,....???

I guess I'll never know.

No respect for animal abusers and those who stick by them

I tested her and she lost ~ miserably. The new girl I dislike came to me in the gazebo looking for info and then blabbed it to Mark and Darren. I knew she was just informatin hunting. But I wanted her to hear what an animal abuser Darren really is. But even after hearing me say he scruffs his cat and puts his head under the running water screaming "I'll show you who's boss"  OR putting his cats head in a hurrican lamp glass and forcing it to get high by blowing smoke into the glass,... thats' ok? Apparently it didn't bother Kelly. I told her about his rages - to be careful around him - and how he rages every single day at his poor cat. We hear him all the time - screaming,.... that poor little cat. But that didn't bother Kelly.

Darren Green used to be like a son to me. But the second I heard him abuse that cat of his ~ it was all over. And I just don't understand how others can candon it. Kelly barely even knows Darren yet she still choose HIM over me telling her the TRUTH ~ why are these people protecting an animal abuser and rager??? (Becasue he sells the weed??? I don't get it)

Basically I told Kelly the whole story. TRUTHFULLY ~ I tried to be a MOM to him but all he did was grift,... take, take, take,.... he used me. I even had tears telling the story. (yes real tears)  Kelly sat and listened and 'looked' sympathetic but apparently the whole time she was getting info for darren and mark. I pretty much knew she would, but this proved that she is a 'penis lady',.... a woman who would rather be with a man - no matter how horrible he is - just to be with a man. In my world growing up, woman held each other up. We stood together in unity to show support to all woman. But not Kelly,.... she knows Darren is an animal abuser yet she CHOOSE to pretend he isn't and become his little BITCH TATTLER. Woman who hear the truth yet choose to ignore just so they don't have to stop being with a man is disgusting. I call them PENIS women. They throw honest women under the bus so they can be around men and be in the 'mens' camp. Her choice ~ but it was the wrong one. I now hate this woman - yet have to see her every fucking day in the gazebo. These people are nothing but shit disturbers. instigate,... poke,... disturb,... anything just to be nasty.

Kelly ~ you best stay away from me lady,.... I have some words for you!!!!

I told her there was a police report. I told her that the police actually called the humane society (not me) as when they heard him they were horrified at how he treated his cat. THEY don't lie. Kelly - you can pretend I am a liar or that I didn't tell you he was a animal abuser,... but the truth is YOU KNEW and choose to be friends anyway,....you can bury your head in the sand but the truth is ~ HE HURTS ANIMALS. So for you to protect him  - then I have lost all respect for you. YOU condone animal abuse by siding with him. By accepting it,.... what a dumb bitch. Man hungry bitch

So now there is yet another war in the gazebo. All because some bitch who is brand new couldn't keep her nose out of business that had nothing to do with her and happened years ago when she didn't even live here. She was so desperate to be 'one of the boys' that she ignored me telling her he abuses animals and likes him anyway,... that tells me all I need to know. DESPERATE FOR PENIS and hates women - NO RESPECT!!!!!!! I really don't know why women would do this to other women. You will have to ask her,...

And the grifting is out of control here too. We all make the same amount of money which is barely nothing. But I have taught myself to budget and even though life is bare sometimes - I still manage to get by without going hungry. Yet the young ones in this building spend all their money in a few days and then grift off us 'old-timers' (because we CAN budget) for the rest of the month ~ as their  money is gone. Adrian was complaing no money yet when we received our grocery and essential benefit this month (most got over $200) I put mine away in the bank for my trip. Adrian bought beats headphones and then yesterday came to me for stuff he couldn't afford. He actually got a free bong bowl from me as I just gave up and gave it to him. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE????? I am so sick and tired of the grifting. take, take, take,.... buy your own stuff people and stop asking me.

If you can't tell I am sick of living here. I am desperate to move out of here,.... DESPERATE!!!!!

Looks like I'll be dead soon anyway

what to do?

Yesterday was so upsetting that I know I need to get out of this building for the sake of my mental health. So I just made an appointment with a financial advisor. I need to talk to someone who is not biased about my money. I have spoken with a person at my bank but I want another opinion as I'm sure an independent can offer me more options.

I hate to admit this, but it looks as if I may have to stay here for one more year. I just don't have quite enough money right now to buy a trailer comfortably. I can buy one and have my budget so tight I'm not sure I will even enjoy my new place. Or, I can wait and roll my money to make a bit more and maybe even have the real estate market collapse even more giving me more options there too. But I don't know the financial or real estate world anymore. I would be a fool to try and navigate it myself. I need help ~ which is why I need to talk to someone

But can I last another year here????

I hate these childish playground games - get me the fuck out of this hell-hole

Here we go again,... Darren Green making my life miserable. Yesterday while doing laundry I accidently left my keys in the laundry room. When I realized a few minutes later, I ran back to get them, but they were gone. I looked around the whole laundry room. No keys. And, mysteriously, noone was doing laundry so who was even in there to see and take them???? I looked everywhere for those keys. But they are well and truly gone. As I was walking around looking for them, I saw Darren starting laundry. Ahhh,.... now it was becoming clear. Darren must have went to do a load of laundry,... saw my keys,... saw an opportunity to take them, so he did. But he knew he couldnt' do his laundry right then as it would look too obvious. So he went back to his apartment and waited 20 minutes and then went back and then started his laundry so he could say "I just got there,... I didn't see any keys" 

But I know he has them. It's too obvious. I leave them - darren sees them and now they are gone,...

So I immediately called housing and let them know and asked them to go and look at the cctv footage. They cancelled my fob so noone can use it but the mail key is on that ring and the thief has that. I don't trust housing to help. They haven't helped in the past so why would they start now. I can almost guarantee you that they won't even check the cctv footage.

But to top it all off,... Darren has gone back to deflecting to save his own ass. The first thing he did was to run outside and tell everyone and spin his stroy. I stayed silent. 

But later in the gazebo I was alone when Kelly came out. The new girl I don't really like as she is friendly with Darren. She was so obvious it was almost humourous. She couldn't wait to ask "So, did you find your keys?" I knew she was fishing for info for Darren so I only gave her a one word anser - NO - and shut up. She wasn't satisfied - she needed to know more. So I told her the whole damn story. How it all started over me catching him abusing his cat. And from that day on all he does is throw me under the boss so I wont tell anyone what he really did. I don't think she believed me but I dont give a shit. IT IS THE TRUTH!!!!!!!!!

It's all childish nonsense and I have had enough. Kelly was so obvious. She was working for DARREN. Darren got to her,.... that is exactly how he operates. He throws the spotlight off of himself by throwing someone else under the boss. And because I won't stoop to his level and fight back - I lose. I keep my mouth shut as I refuse to be a gossip like all the rest of them but in keeping silent I dug my own grave. Darren was able to say what he wanted to everyone while I hid in my apartment. I refuse to be lowered into his childish head games. HE KNOWS WHAT HE DID and I dont care who doesn't believe me.  I KNOW and DARREN KNOWS and thats all that matters to me. 

But boy am I pissed at this nosy Kelly chick. This is NONE of her fucking business. I am so tired of this lets gang up on Jacquie bullshit. Darren is like a playground little girl. He is a MEAN GIRL. 

But I really don't give a shit anymore. I am just going to get the fuck out of this building as soon as I can. ANY WAY I CAN,... and sadly if I dont' find a place to live,.... I will end my life!!!!! I can't take this bullshit anymore,....

Childish fucking nonsense and I refuse to be dragged into it.

Darren ~ just give me my fucking keys back and stop being a little drama queen. But most of all ~ STOP telling people lies about me. We both know you abused your cat and I caught you!!! THAT is why you are mad,....  THAT is the reason you are so angry. I DID NOTHING WRONG ~ yet you had to ruin my life by throwing me under the boss to save your own cat abusing ass. You don't deserve to have a pet. Even now I walk by and I still hear you yelling at that poor little cat,.... Darren, you have severe rage issues you need to deal with. SEVERE rage issues. GET SOME FUCKING HELP and stop blaming everyone else for your mistakes. 

What you have done to me just shows you for the coward you are. Instead of owning up to your mistake - you deflected it onto me. Your not a man - your a fucking little boy who ruins others lives to save his own,... grow up.

I dont' care how many people you lie to and turn against me,... I will be gone soon. But you? You have to live with your lies until the day you die,... good luck at the pearly gates of heaven when you have to finally be accountable and admit what you have done. You can lie to anyone you want and get away with it. But someday you will be accountable,....

that is karma and that is what I wait for,....

KARMA Darren - it's coming for you! Not by me,.... but it's coming for you,....

 

Lots to think about

It's been a long day and it's only mid-afternoon. But some good things happened so I am actually happy right now. First off - I received a confirmation email for my flights. That means the tickets are active. That is a load off of my mind.

I had an appointment at my bank this morning. I wanted to speak with someone about buying a home. He had some good advice. And now I have a lot to think about. He suggested waiting 2 years to move out of here until I am 65. Apparently when I turn 65 a lot of my benefits will change and for the positive. But my homework this week will be to  call the government and find out exactly how they will change. I think I lose my ODSP and I gain OAS. This can only be good news as now I won't have any of the extremely strict restrictions that ODSP enforce. If I wait until I am off of ODSP I won't be penalized for buying a home and lose my ODSP altogether. I can now live with someone if I want to share the cost. ODSP does not allow us to live with another adult or it effects our amount and sometimes has us lose it altogether. Losing ODSP is a positive thing as it gives me so many more choices. 

But can I wait two years??? Can I live in this building for another 2 years???? Ahhhhhhhh!!! I don't want to. I want out of here ASAP. But it sounds like my monthly budget could nearly double at 65 giving me a much more comfortable life. I won't be so strapped each month.

what to do? 

what to do?

what to do?

And even the gazebo was good today. I was out there with Mike wehn Kelly came out. I though uh-oh,... here we go,... but to her credit she was great. Nothing was said about two days ago and we both acted nice. Maybe just a bad day for her? who knows,... but today everything is cool.

Adrian is getting worse. He had a bit of a rant that left Mike and I looking at each other with raised eyebrows. I like Adrian but at times he makes me feel a bit nervous. He can get a bit weird leaving me with a bit of a 'creep' factor. He does not mean any ill intent. He is just odd and sometimes leaves me a bit unsettled ~ to the point I just feel more comfortable when there is someone else in the gazebo with me when he is out there too. I don't think he is dangerous??? But,... at this place. You can never be too careful. better to be safe than sorry.

I hate this place with a passion

 I am so sick of the drama here,...

We got a new girl. Kelly. From the Traverse side of the building, which means she is here temporarily until she has recovered. (Usually about 3 years) This spring, I had not been in the gazebo all winter. The first day I go out there - she is there. Obviously she has no idea I live here and have for the past 10 years.  She totally ignores me as I come in. Over the next few minutes I start chatting with someone else. I say something to someone and she turns around and says "We don't talk about that in here" The first thing this lady says to me ever. Ok then,... we don't talk about that in here,.... (I think it was about the war in Iran) Anyway I completely let it go. Roll on today. I am out there with Adrian and her and Bruce come in with their mahoosive scooters that take up the whole gazebo making us squash ourselves into the corners to give them room. As I am speaking with Adrian who is sitting across from me (just normal chit chat) she is talking to Bruce. But the way we are all sitting it ends up we are all cross-talking. But the thing is - it wasn't a big deal! Well Adrian and I talking set her off. I guess while she was talking to Bruce we were suppose to shut up and give her the whole damn gazebo. Whatever,... she got all huffy and rolled her eyes and did a big dramatic sigh and then nearly ran my feet over with her scooter in her anger to get out. How dare we talk while she is talking to Bruce!!!! It was actually humourous to see such childish behaviour. What a fucking drama queen. She has lived here 5 minutes and twice she has told me what to do. I let it go both times but not next time. These damn kids coming in think they own the place. They have no respect for the older ones who have been here for 10 plus years. She literally came crashing in on her scooter and demanded everyone stop and listen to her. I can't be bothered with this shit. I just let her have her temper tantrum and watched her and Bruce leave. I hate having to go into the gazebo but we have no choice. It's the one and only smoking area and we have to use it. Funny how for 6 years the gazebo was fine. As soon as the young ones came in - it became a toxic war zone.

And this morning Jen comes sauntering into the gazego wearing a puffy jacket wide open and just a bra. She was so proud too. Said she bought it and it was so pretty she is wearing it as a top. (heal of hand smacks my forehead) I just can't deal with these people. Since when is wearing just a bra for your top ok????? 

I have chatted with both Adrian and Ralph the two other old-timers and we all agree that this place has gone to ruins and all three of us are fed up and want out. 

I am so tired of drama queens getting upset when they arent' the centre of attention,.... I am so sick of the drama period!! They are all a bunch of spoiled little brats that think the world revolves around them. Kelly,... Darren,... Mark,.... Jen,.... Tonya,... Arseen,.... overgrown children who behave like entitled brats - all of them.

But hopefully I will be getting the hell out of here one way or another. If I can't move - then I do the other,.... but there is NO WAY I will ever live in this fucking shit hole of a building.

Death or move - but I will escape this hell hole. 

The letter to my local MP asking why there is no affordable housing

I am so fed up of no housing I wrote this email to our local MP:

**********************************************

I am a 63 year old lady living in Ontario Housing here in Fergus. I have had my life threatened,.... been bullied mercilessly,... and don't feel at all safe living here. I have asked for help numerous times over the past 5 years, but no help ever comes. I have asked for an emergency transfer but got a "no" (I have to be domestically violated before they will help - I guess having your life threatened didn't qualify) And on top of all of that - I have no family doctor and I am dying of heart disease with no health care.


I have been searching for 2 years for affordable housing, I am on ODSP, CPP, and NDB totally $1580 a month to live on. I have been searching all over CANADA for affordable housing but there isnt' any.


I was hit by a car Feb 2024 and got a small settlement of $***,***. You would think I had won the lottery and my problems were finally over. So imagine my anger and resentment when all it did was effect my ODSP and I nearly lost that. After two years of searching all across Canada I still can't find an affordable place to live. WHY?


I have $***,*** and $1580 a month budget yet I am laughed at whenever I apply for housing. As soon as they hear I am on ODSP? They won't even let me see the rental. They don't rent to us because we don't make enough to survive and they know it. So I tried buying a trailer or RV or tiny home. But the bylaws and zoning laws make it impossible. RV's and tiny homes should be the obvious solution to homelessness but it isn't. A tiny home you would have to live off-grid and at 63 and disabled that is not an option. An RV would cost about $600 to $1200 a month pad rental with park fees on top of that. NOT AFFORDABLE to the poor.


THERE IS NO AFFORDABLE HOUSING IN ALL OF CANADA


So I am flying to BC on June 30th to ask for MAiDs. I have applied here in Ontario twice in the past 6 years but was told no. (NO? I mean how much pain do you need to be in to get a yes????) So I am now trying to apply in Vancouver to get MaiDs there. I fly there June 30th to start the proceedings,..... I don't want to die - I just feel trapped and have no choices and I refuse to be homeless because this province screwed up. Why should I pay the price for a bad government that can't even see the disabled???


SHAME ON CANADA!!!!!!!


I am going to be 63 in September but I probably won't even see that birthday.


This province has left me with two choices. Be threatened and bullied and harassed in my own home until I'm suicidal living here in Ontario Housing OR commit suicide through MAiDs. The answer to this is obvious. A transfer to a new building but that is not available to me. Why? You will have to ask Ontario Housing why I am not worth helping. I have asked so many times I just gave up asking. I am invisible to them


I have no idea why Ontario Housing does not take me seriously. I really got ZERO help from them and instead I was made to feel like a nuisance. So I gave up. Where is the dignity in this????


I refuse to live here and be traumatized daily and I refuse to be homeless and live under a bridge.
How sad that death is the only option to me now.


WHERE IS AFFORDABLE HOUSING?


It's absolutely disgusting that I have $***,*** to my name ~ but STILL can't find housing,....


What happened to this country? To this province and to this community that seems to only offer me one solution.
HOMEWOOD. Every time I ask for housing - I get threatened with a psychiatric hospital. If they can't help with housing then they assuage their guilt by saying I'm mental and need to be put in a psychiatric hospital. That's insane!!!!!! This community can't give me housing so they call me mental and throw me into Homewood where I can't talk anymore. The problem is gone for awhile,.... but the problem is still here!!!!! NO HOUSING


How dare this country treat a 63 year old disabled person like this,.....


This country is in ruins. When people choose death because there is no place for them on this planet????? Something is terribly wrong.


STOP BLAMING US FOR BEING ANGRY ABOUT OUR SITUATION. We dare to complain and we get thrown in Homewood, or worse yet evicted because we couldn't behave (we got angry about being ignored and paid the price for it ~ you don't talk back to Ontario housing or you pay!!!!)


I would rather be dead ~ and I hope to be by September of this year.


The police already know,.... Here 24/7 already knows,... but still,.... no help. Just threats of Homewood. I(f you can't help? Then blame them and call them crazy for being angry that they have been ignored and thrown away to rot. Yeah,... punish them for having feelings about that,....) call them crazy


FIVE years I have been asking this community for helpbut gone NONE! Now I choose MaiDs. As now I realize the reason no one is helping is because there isn't help out there,..... There is no affordable housing.


And I have to pay for that. No thanks I'd rather be dead.


*******************************************

Post script:  As of June 11th ~ I have received NOTHING BACK about this letter from the MP's office. 

IGNORED AGAIN ~ we are just wothless pieces of shit to this community