It's gone. The mobile home I wanted is sold to someone else. I didn't get to Georgina in time. I had called my cousin to see if he could drive me and he can,... but not until May 31st. I was heartbroken when he said that as I know the other one will be sold by then too. I can'r get mad as my cousin is doing me a huge favour. he is a man who comes from a very busy life. Family, job, grandchildren,... his life is very, very full and he can't just drop everything to drive me half way across Ontario. And I know that,... but understanding why didn't do anything to curb the disappointment.
I hate being so alone with no help. If I had friends or family they could have helped drive me there a month ago and I could have bought it. But being poor and alone and isolated from the world doesn't give you a lot of choices. I tried very hard to get to Gerogina but without a car or a licence it just isn't happening.
I think May 31st is going to be too late. Now that spring is here all the homes are doing open houses. This one will get snapped up by the weekend I'm sure. This is prime time to buy a mobile/holiday home.
So again my hope has been dashed. And tonight I feel so defeated all I want is to end my life. I am never going to find a place to live,... I am a mentally ill monster that noone wants and I just need to die now.
I have rehomed Molly and Murphy,... I have sold half of my stuff,... and now there's no place to go. I've lost it all again. and I'm not doing this starting over thing again,... it's seriously time to die!!!!!
And the sooner the better now. Now that hope is gone on my mobile home, I dont see any other place to move. I seriously think its time,...
The dream is gone now,....
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