It is Monday today. A holiday. What us Canadians call the "May 24 weekend". (That's pronounced two-four not twenty four). Traditionally it is the start of summer for us here. Even though the weather can be a bit iffy, people are itching to get outside and see the state of their gardens and start clean up for the summer. Pools get opened,... cottages get opened,... but for me? It is just another day. Monday,... No family,... no plans,... just alone ~ again. And I am sat here once again feeling like "what the fuck am I even here for?" Another holdiay alone,...
I give a sigh and think here I am - another boring day to fill up. What can I do different to stop this boring mundane life? And to do that I thought what are my passions that can pull me out of this dispair?
Football,... music,... and animals.
But my body just feels so empty. I don't know where passion is in your brain, but mine must be frozen. Because the only things I feel lately are anger and despair. But this morning, I was doing my usual routine of cleaning and watching Youtube videos, when a music video came on that made me stop in my tracks. Classical music,... specifically the cello - my favourite instrument. It had been so long since I have really enjoyed music. It almost felt foreign to me. But it awakened something in me. So I went and sat down. And listened,... I closed my eyes and I just let myself be drawn into the music. And it worked,... I could feel my body responding. And the more I listened, the more my body awakened.
Music has always been a passion of mine. And having played the piano as a child I was familiar and enjoyed classical music. I have become fond of cello and violin pieces specifically. I find them,... mournful,... deep. I can completely immerse myself. And that is just what I did. I sat there and just enjoyed it. The stress that has been sitting on my shoulders like an albatross has kept me from enjoying anything. But the music was melting that away. There is something about music that just get right down deep into my soul. It is part of me.
And so I sat there - finally feeling something. It felt nice,...
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