I have shingles ~ AGAIN! The 4th time in four years. So I was desperate to get out to a pharmacy as I needed a bunch of stuff for the itch - which was driving me mad! We are closing in on the end of the month so almost all my supplies are getting low. I didn't have much money left but I NEEDED something for this itching. And wasn't I pleasantly surprized when I looked out the window and saw clear foot-paths. I haven't even been able to see the paths for the past few months. Ontario has been dumped with a more than normal amount of snow this year. I just haven't been able to get out as you can't get a walker through the snow. (Is there such a thing as a sleigh walker? It has sled runners instead of wheels?) So after my triggering experience on Facebook earlier I thought it might be a nice distraction to get outside. I have not been outside of this building since SEPTEMBER - six months. Aside from 2 trips to emerge at the hospital I have not gone outside. To say I have cabin fever would be an understatement. I am nearly delerious with the isolation of being alone. Getting outside sounded wonderful.
So I got out clothes. I haven't worn real clothes in months. I live in football shirts and pajama pants now. Why dirty clothes when you never leave your home? So today I dug out the real clothes. Imagine my surprise when I realized they were all too big. I have lost more weight. Can't think of that now,... I dug out my jacket,... my boots,... my gloves and hat. And I bundled myself up to face the Canadian February. But by the time I got outside I realized it was only 3* degrees outside (37* Faren.) so it wasn't even cold out. Infact,... it was gorgeous. Sunny, and for the first time in a very long time,... above zero (freezing). My pain level was manageable so I grabbed my vape for pain relief as I went (SEE HOUSING??? NO vaping in unit!!!) and I went outside.
I cannot tell you how enjoyable it was to feel the sun on my bare skin. To feel the fresh air on my face as I walked. I could even smell the air. Wet earth,... The paths were like lakes with the warmer weather melting all the snowbanks. That didn't matter. You can still get a walker through water,... I was surprized to see I am still nervous crossing the street. This intersection is the one I was hit at. If I want to go anywhere in town,... I have to cross this intersection. It hasn't been horrible. But I do find myself wary. I wait and LOOK the driver in the eye before I step off the curb now. But even the memory of the accident could not bring my mood down. The sun,... the fresh air,.. it's all so up-lifting. To think it's been 6 months since I have felt this.
I walked around Walmart and got what I needed. A little shocked at the prices. I just got pharmacy stuff and few toiletries and it came to a hundred dollars. There was so little I fit it all in one bag. Wow,... surviving is getting more expensive!
I walked home with no incident but felt so exhausted when I finally got in. But I felt so much better for having gotten out. Today is Tuesday. We vote Thursday. Hopefully the weather will stay nice and I can walk to the polling station. Fingers crossed,...
I'm still mad at life. And at Ontario,... and housing,... and all the other things that seem to control every aspect of my freedom. But today,... I got outside. And that felt awesome. So I'm going to hold on to this feeling for as long as I can. There are very few joys in my life. You have to appreciate the ones you do get.
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