Lately I have been trying to get back into music. The past year I have shut down. My body feels numb. But the one thing I have always had that can get me to feel again is music. I used to play the piano as a young girl. Which led me to my love of classical music. And classical music teaches you to love all instruments. My father taught me to branch out and enjoy different genres of music. He would sometimes bring me down to The Toronto Jazz Festival on the Lakeshore which I'm sure not a lot of other tween girls wanted to do. But I enjoyed it.
And over the years through all my ups and downs, there was always music. When life got chaotic,.. music centred me. And I love everything from classical to classic rock. Music painted my life.
Every morning on Youtube I have been watching a new type of video for me. It's young kids hearing "old" music for the first time and saying what they think. I have found this brilliant. I love to see young rappers hearing one of "my" old tunes, and then to see their faces change and then get excited about what they are hearing ~ it gets me excited to. My music isnt' irrelvant. And now others are discovering it. And I'm enjoying watching that.
And today the song I "covered" Gordon Lightfoots "If you could read my mind". He wrote it about his relationship with his ex-wife. And thats how I always heard this song. Until today. When this gentleman covered this song I listened to it from a different angle. Suddenly this song was about me and my realtionship with my girls. Gordon Lightfoots lyrics are so poetic and only he could say so beautifully how I feel. Not all of the songs words reflect me and my daughters, but a lot of his words on regret do.
But the lines that spoke to me the most were:
With chains upon my feet
You know that ghost is me
And I will never be set free
As long as I'm a ghost, you can't see
How it so sad that I wasn't what my children wanted. how in the end I just walked away feeling like I had chains upon my feet. And I knew that by not "bothering" them again,... I was setting them free. The words so poignantly song. I like how he writes he was her hero but heros fail,... and that is me. Some parents fail,... and to know that I was the ghost you couldn't set free is heartbreaking. Sometimes walking away is the kindest thing to do.
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