Why do I feel forced out of this life?

Oh my goodness today is not going well. I have a ride coming at 3 to pick me up to take me to vote. So hopefully that is the one thing I won't have to worry about.

Mail. Mail is always the downfall of my mood. I never get good mail anymore. Just government crap and housing crap and advertising. And I know from experience that brown envelopes are the ones to be wary of. Almost all brown envelopes are government. So when I opened my mailbox and saw a bunch of mail - one being brown - my heart sank. 

What have I done wrong now?

But in the end it was ODSP (Ontario Disability). Reminding me to send them any changes in my situation. WTF? You stopped paying me ODSP! So what do you care if anything has changed. I don't need to follow your strict starvation rules anymore - you stopped paying me! So that mail I just threw out - angry. Nice of them to remind me I don't get ODSP anymore,.... rub it in.

Then a notice from Canada Post. It must be a registered letter as I we have mailboxes for parcels here in our lobby. So if they didn't leave it - I must have to sign for it. But I haven't ordered anything. I'm not expecting anything. And anyone and everyone who knows me knows - there is absolutely no way for me to get to the post office to collect this mail. So of course I try calling the post office,... can't get through. over and over and over again,.... can't get through. End up giving up.

I guess It will just sit there and eventually get sent back to sender. But I wont ever get the chance to get it. i will never know what it was or who sent it.

POOR PEOPLE can't get to places with no car!!!!!!! If we can't walk there - we can't go. So it will be May before I'm able to walk to that damn post office. Another "I fucking hate my life" moment

Then health connect sent a letter saying I am still on the waiting list for a new doctor. I called them back to ask if theres even HOPE in sight for one,... but I had to leave a message. Noone answered. What the hell is wrong with customer service lately. Does noone pick up business phones anymore??? So I am waiting for a call back from them too.

But the last piece of mail made me laugh. you are pre-approved for a visa credit card,.... of course I am. I can't get a doctor,... I can't get enough money to survive a  month,... I can't get transportation anywhere,... but they will give me a credit card,... this worlds priorities need fixing.

So here I sit,.... desperate to get out of this building but knowing it will never happen. 

My life is miserable.

WHY is there no place - affordable to me - on this planet?????? And why do I feel like I have to commit suicide so I don't have to face being homeless? It's not fucking fair!!!