Yet another night I am up. Again,... I can't sleep. Stress,... worry,... just the uncertainty of what is going to happen to me is overwhelming. My mind can't shut off,... and sleep never comes. So I sit looking out the window at the snow falling. So much snow these past few weeks. It is so beautiful and peaceful to watch when the rest of the world is silent.
I am so empty now. I just want someone to knock on my door and give me a hug. To take me away from this building. To a place where it is quiet,... and peaceful,... to tell me they have a room in their basement and I can escape there for awhile. They fold me into their family and love me. And there I find peace.
But thats not going to happen,... so instead I sit here waiting for threats that may or may not happen. The uncertainty of my housing is a constant drain on me. It's really not humane to use the loss of ones home as punishment. But it happens all the time. It is so draining,...
I just want to live somewhere that I won't have the threat of being evicted. I am so tired now and just need peace. But there is no peace here,...
I look outside at the cold night. How easy it would be to just walk out there. To find a snowdrift and sink into it and sleep. To get so cold my body shuts down and finally stops breathing altogether. Would it be a peaceful death? It sounds peaceful,... I know you can easily die from hypothermia,... but is it peaceful.
I just want peace
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