It's Monday. It's foggy,... it's dull and gray. And my mood feels the same. I have been following politics quite closely over the past few monoths because things are changing. With nothing to do all day but watch tv,... I have been making a point of keeping an eye on whats going on in the political field. This morning I happened upon this video. Short and to the point. It tells how us polite Canadians have had enough and for the first time in a very long time. we are finding our backbone and fighting back. I hate Trudeau and Doug Ford but even I have to be proud of how they are standing up to Trump and his tariffs.
I am very worried about the future Trump is imposing on Canada. I already struggle with food and only have $200 a MONTH to spend on food. Thats fifty dollars a week to eat. Its not easy,... I have to make my budget 3 months in advance and stick to it. I have to give up so much just to have food. NOW,... with these tariffs,... Canada is going to see a lot of bare shelves and higher food prices. I am already struggling and will not survive these price costs.Nobody on ODSP (Ontario Disability) or OW will survive. I am not being dramatic,... but my sector - the poor - are going to be hit the hardest. And I won't deny I am terrified for my future.
I LOVE how Canadians are fighting back. The peaceful polite people who Trump thought would just hand over our Country to him,... have revolted. And I couldn't be prouder. Canadians,... booing the national anthem,... taking American products off the shelf and only selling Canadian manufactured products. Trump took one look at Trudeau and thought 'piece of cake' this man will roll over and ask how much they want for Canada??? But, to everyones surprize,... Trudeau sttod tall and basically said fuck you,... ***cheers, applause, ovation***. And from what I am witnessing,... Canada has found her voice and we are fighting back.
But I don't want to live in this climate of having the threat of eviction constantly being thrown at you. "If you dont' behave we'll take away your home!!!!!",...... I am constantly worried about housing. They don't realize by constatntly threaterning to evict us ~ they leave us in a state of stress. Leaving me SUICIDAL.
I already live having to rely on charities and benefits and now I get to live with the threat of being homeless constantly hanging over my head. That is INHUMANE. Noone should have to fear being homeless on a continuous basis. It stresses me out. Will I have home or won't I? Would you like this constantly over your head??? You vaped - your homeless... Honestly hosuing is one of those institutions where the rules and regulations come first and there is NO colouring outside the lines. If you vape - your homeless,... HEARTLESS is what they are.
So i don't get Christmas,.. or any other holiday,... I can barely afford to eat adn now THAT area is under threat. I have no doctor so I can't get my arm fixed. I am looking at living the rest of my life without the use of my arm. But noone seems to even care let alone help.
My future looks like a dark, cold cave. Since I was FORCED to go on ODSP and live in housing,... I have gone down,... down,... down,... until I have been left with nothing. So to threaten me with losing this too,... housing you should be ashamed of yourself. Your supose to be an organization to HELP people but from every encounter I have had ~ I have only ever been told NO and I get threatened with eviction about once or twice a year. Thats really unsettling - to have the threat of being thrown out of your own home. They obviously don't care - they do so often. We are just a name on a piece of paper for them. I am not Jacquie Holyoak - I am the tenant in apartment 311.
I didn't get Christmas - instead I got threatened with being homeless. Thank you housing,... just love your empathy. And,... they read my blog so they KNOW what I have been through. And instead of sympathy - they sided with the Karen - and are threateening me with eviction - in the winter - minus 10* outside. THEY DON'T GIVE A SHIT aobut us, And this situation PROVES it. I am not a person. I am the tenant in 311 who Tonya tattled on and now is being threatened with getting THROWN OUT OF MY HOME.
This life is not worth it anymore. So now it's back to how to die. I am thinking of buying a plane ticket to BC. My parent died there,... my half-brother Tony lives there. And I know BC. My CPP benefit is national (not from Ontario) so I could keep that as my income. But thats all I have. $851.51 a month to live on. Of course it can't be done. You can't live off of this measly amount. Rent starts at $1500 a month. So life has priced me right out of basic needs. I am too poor to survive,... So I will take that tiny little amount and i will move to BC. I will go to the infamous downtown Eastside. Where you can buy ANY DRUG YOU WANT and noone will bat an eye. I have been saving very slowly for my death. I have about $700 saved so far. I had more but I had to spend it on Maggie to the vet. But if I can hold off for even just 3 months until the spring,... i will have enough to buy a plane ticket,... get a hotel for a week,... and buy fentanyl. Becasue when I look at my future here,... I see nothing but struggle and going without.
I am looking up hotels. The cheapest I can find. It doesn't matter how gross and grotty it is. Im going there to die. To find fentanyl and go to my motel and shoot myself up a big hot dose of fentanyl.
And all my hardships and struggles will melt away into infinity,...
I also get to go to the place where my parents died and say goodbye to them. (Diane Holyoak and Alan Longfield) I can say hello to my half brother. I just wnat a bit of a vacation before I die. I want to dip my toe in the oceon. I want to smell the oceon air. I want to feel nature before I die. And once i've done that,... I take the hit and I am gone.
When you live a life where a 400 pound woman is chewing you up and spitting you out to the point of getting evicted,... thats not a life worth living is it? I am just a target. Add poverty and pain and not getting my arm looked at,.... I just don't have the strength or the motivation to care. I just want my suffering to be over.
So from here on in,... I save. I have lived on tea and toast before and I can do it again if it means getting the money to get to BC.
The other reason is ~ this place ~ Fergus,... Wellington County,... this Ontario Housing building,.... it's been so toxic to me and I have to get the hell out of this province. They only see me as mental patient. The only help they offer is mental,.... I will never get the doctor I need for my arm and to fix me after the accident. It's been ayear and my lwyer doens't even talk to me. So I see NO FUTURE what-so-ever. I only see struggle and pain.
So roll on BC. I need enough that I can get motel for one week. I plan on spending 6 days enjoying nature. And then on the 7th day,.. I take a taxi to East Hastings which is notorious for open drug use. The police don't even go into this area anymore. It is used just for junkies and they are left alone to do their thing. All I have to do is join them,...
So,.... 2 or 3 months of starving myself to save and then I hop on a plane to BC to die,... why dind't I think of this years ago,....
Having this plan has actually settled me. Now I know it's not just a want,... now i know that in a few short months I can be in BC with a needle in my arm and dead. how sad must my life be when THIS makes me happy,...
My life is such a shit show I can't wait to DIE!
P.S. Now that housing has the link to this blog - watch,.... they will read the negative stuff I am writing about them and they will threaten me with legal action. I can almost guarantee this as it happened once before. They literally tried to gag me from writing anything Ontario housing. But I will dead in 3 to 6 month so I won't NEED their fucking under naxi control apartment. I will be dead,... in peace,... and never have to worry about getting thrown out of my home again,... so lets take bets how long it is before housing contacts me to shut up.... I give it 3 days before I get a letter.
No comments:
Post a Comment