Common sense tells me I have been priced right of living

My team is playing. They are losing,... but I can't seem to keep my mind on the game anyway,... 

I know people must read this and think I am crazy for wanting to die so badly. But the truth is,... I don 't actually want to die,... I just want a life that doesn't seem to be attainable to me. The truth is, if I had what I needed I would NOT want to die. 

But I am common sense girl. I am a virgo so I am all about planning and details and budgets,... I cannot live without a plan. I need schedules and timetables and goals and plans,... but my life holds none of these things. And my common sense mind is telling me that the numbers just don't add up. My budget does not cover the basic needs. My budget does not allow for any entertainment whatsoever. Not even a cup of coffee or a dinner out with a friend. ZERO funds for a life,...

My common sense brain is telling me that this business venture is not viable. This project cannot be funded properly and therefore it will be a failure. The project being my life,... The money I bring in a month is so pathetic it barely covers rent and food. BARELY.  And it wouldn't be enough if I didn't know how to stretch a penny so thin I manage to get what I need. If this were a business venture,... it would have been closed down years ago. Way before covid even. I have been trying unsuccessfully to save a dying business. 

You cannot have a life on the funds I live off of. So common sense tells me it's time to shut down this life,... becasue the truth is, I can't afford it. 

So common sense tells me that I have tried every avenue I could think of to keep this business afloat. But it failed. And now it's time to close up the business for good. Understand it failed,... and let it go,... time to bury it.

WHY should I live such misery? There is no reason anymore. So my common sense brain tells me it's time to admit defeat and to finally shut down this life of mine. Because the bottom line is,... I just can't afford to live any longer. I've been priced right out of living,....

So add on the pain and the lonliness and I can't see ONE good reason to stick around. So it's time. Time to deal with all the lose ends and then finally shut down the business,....

I don't live in fairyland. It's all there in black and white and reality. Things don't get better when you live here on the bottom,.... they get worse. And the last five years of my life have proven this. Things dont' get better,.... they get worse,.... so time to leave the party,....