It's always bad news it seems,...

Ontario Housing called me back. They took the wrong amount out last month after my rent increase. I was told quite a few months ago now that starting on August 1st our rent would increase by $19.00. I wasn't happy about this but I was confident I could absorb $19.00 extra dollars into my budget. So imagine my surprise when she told me that one of the benefits I receive (Portable Housing Benefit) was going to be paying me less for my rent which they were helping me with. PHB was paying $252.00 of my market value rent. This is what has saved me from going hungry. You have to apply for this benefit every single year. And this year was no different. But for some reason instead of going up like it usually does,... the amount I will get went down. To $192.00. That is a big difference. It means my rent will increase by $80 instead of the $19 as I had thought. Absorbing $80 extra dollars isn't going to be nearly as easy. And on top of this,... now they want back pay so they are taking out an extra $150 September 1st ON TOP of my rent. I seem to be haemeraging money and I don't know why. When you only have a limited budget that is already too small and you go without basic needs,... another $80 a month rent will be tough. And everything else went up too. My internet,... my phone,... my streaming sites,... all to the tune of another $100. So I now my budget is $180 LESS than it used to be. THAT is going to be hard, I am definitely going to suffer with this new budget. (I'm sorry for all these numbers,... I am kind of thinking and figuring out as I type this,...)

AND losing ODSP I have lost all my government benefits. Dental,... prescription drugs,... as well as the tax deposits like Trillium and GST. ALL GONE. 

I can't help thinking,... what the fuck did I do wrong that has made me lose everything??  One day I am struggling but at least making ends meet. The next,... I get hit by a car and it's all taken away. My walker,... my ODSP,... everything I needed was taken from me. Why??? What did I do wrong??

I have more bills I owe becasue of other people.

Almost $8000 to the courts when my ex took me to court during covid lockdown to stop his spousal support payments to me. He won,... I couldn't leave the house. So now I owe $8000

I owe the governmetn nearly $3000 because a few years ago a volunteer did my income tax for me and forgot to put in my Disability tax credit ~ which I have one and it is still active!! but after two letter to the government and waiting countless hours on their government phone line,... without reaching anybody,... I gave up. The debt stands and IS CLIMBING with interest as I type this.

And now all the backpayment for the ODSP that was paid to me and they now want back. That one is over $3000

So without even lifting a finger or purchasing anything,... I just suddenly owe about $15,000. JUST FOR BREATHING.

I can't pay any of this back. So the amounts grow,... and grow,... and build to become a weight of stress on my shoulders that is starting to break my back.

I just give up. I can't pay it,... so I lose all my benefits. I just can't win.

So again with a heavy heart knowing no one on this planet cares whether I live or die EXCEPT for people hounding me for MONEY. That is all I am good for now ~ trying to collect debt. 

So again,... why am I here? There is no point. I go more and more into debt with each passing month. LIVING is costing me debt.

I give up. I just need to die. Why can't anyone see this? Think of the good my death would do. I am an organ donor. Multiple peoples lives could be saved with my organs. LIVES COULD BE SAVED with my death. 

I just need a fatal dose of fentanyl and everyone will be happy.