I just feel like I'm begging when I ask for help

My last post. A saying off of Facebook I reposted. 

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"Why didn't you ask for help?"

Because you saw I needed it and didn't offer

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I have NEVER ASKED FOR HELP FROM A FRIEND. I have asked for help from organizations. (ODSP, Ontario Housing) but I never ask for help from private people or charities. I used to,... but the humiliation was so great I only did it a few times. On a comment someone wrote "Well I will never offer help - they need to ask for it". So let me talk about this statement. When you are on the bottom and need help, it is absolutely humiliating and degrading. First of all you don't want anyone to know your down here. People are not always kind. Some have accused me of being down here in poverty because I made bad choices in life. I'm not going to debate the reasons I ended up poor. I'm beyond that now. I am poor. Dirt poor. So now I just have to accept it and cope.

But I will never ask anyone for help. I once went to a local church here in town as the food bank told me they help people out once a year with money. It took me 5 days to actually pick up the phone and make the call. When I did I was absolutely mortified.I did it twice and felt so badly I never went back again. I don't even use the food bank anymore. For me it is the most degrading and humbling things for me to do. To go cap in hand to someone and ask for help. I just can't bring myself to do it. 

To me ~ It's begging and that is too degrading.

So to the person who commented that she will never OFFER help,... sometimes that OFFER is the only help or support I got all year and it helped me. 

I think the person was also assuming I was talking about money. When I say I need help,... I am NOT talking about money. I am talking about emotional and physical support. NOT MONEY. If I just had a driver once a week,... my life would be so much easier.  If I had someone to talk to about all my financial issues it would certainly lighten the load. If I had someone to help me fill out the forms and understand paperwork I may have gotten the ODSP forms in. But I didn't have help so it just didn't get done.

I will never ASK for help. It's already degrading living the life I do without having to go cap in hand and beg. I just can't do it.

Maybe I need to. Maybe I need to just give up my pride and become another Jenny and just go out there and ask and beg people for everything? Money,... food,... weed,... rides,... They seem to make a living at it. Riding other peoples coattails. (People piggybacking my Prime and Ancestry memberships but never offering to pay,...) Maybe I should become a professional begger. Make a sign "Please help" and just out and out beg. Is this what I have been resorted to? 

NO

I just can't do it. I can't bring myself to pick up the phone and ask for help. Everyone knows I need it,... I shouldn't have to ask. What I would do to have help from my children,... but I will never, ever ask.

I just can't bring myself to do it.

I'm not a begger and I would rather starve and struggle than become one.