I have found a lump. On my neck. I have been having symptoms for a few years now - since before covid - but getting to a doctor has proved to be so difficult that the few times I managed to get in to the walk-in I was only allowed one or two complaints. So I always put this to the side and let it go. And over the past three or four years I have been feeling like the left side of my neck is tender to the touch and maybe even a bit enlarged. But with fibromyalgia you tend to have a compromised ammune system and I do catch a lot of low grade fevers and colds etc,... so I have always put it down to swollen glands recurring over and over again. Because there were a lot of times I did try to feel the lump but couldn't find it. So of course when that happens you convince yourself that it's all in your mind and your imagining it. But today when I was drying off after my bath I felt it. There was no mistake, There on my left side was a lump. About the size of a pea. A definite hard lump.

And this is the sad reaction I had when I realized it was for sure there. Maybe it's cancer and I'll fianlly be able to die,....

Will I go to the walk-in? Probobly not. Do I want to know what it is? Nope. I can feel my throat is enlarged a bit now. It has been for a few weeks. But I am so miserable and sad all I can do is hope that it really is something fatal and if I just leave it ~ hopefully it will progress and get worse and I won't need to end my life myself. This lump and what ever it means will hopefully end it for me,..

THATS how miserable my life is right now,.... I am hoping this lump is terminal so I can see an end in sight. I wonder how long it would take to kill me if it's cancer? 

With any luck,... I'll be dead by the spring,....

I want nothing but relief from this misery now,.....