I have been up all night spirralling

I don't understand why noone cares? I have been SHOUTING on here for years now that I can't do this alone anymore. I need help now. I am all alone and I can't take it anymore

Where is everybody???? Why have I been thrown away and left to rot?

I am so heartbroken. That i obviosuly meant nothing to anybody,...

Where is my family? Am I such a monster? I am,... aren't I? I'm a big fucking monster that noone wants and noone cares if I live or die. infact noone will even notice

I hate that there are people reading this right now. They KNOW!!!!! They know I am feeling tortured and need HELP but noone is helping,.....

WHY HAVE I BEEN LEFT ALONE? What did I do wrong?????

What did I do wrong??

You all just read and watch and wonder if I'll "do it". This strange dark macabre curiosity. I wonder if she did it yet. Maybe your even laughing at me. What a loser,... Just do it already you stupid cunt. Just die. Just take a fuckin scalpel and slit your fuckin throat and die.

It will all be over with and you will finally be in peace.

I AM IN SO MUCH FUCKING PAIN!

Thats all I am to this world. A hidden nobody that noone cares whether I live or die. Noone will NOTICE 

All my family are going to say when they find me,... "Well I guess she finally did it,..."

When all along if they had only included me as their family ~ I wouldn't have felt like such a monster that noone could love.

How ironic,.. My family hates me because I am mentally ill,... I'm so hard to have in their life that they would rather throw me away and call me "too much - I have to self care" 

All I was ever meant to do on this planet was be a Mom. But apparently I'm such a fucking monster I wasn't allowed to be that,,

The only place for me now is the fucking bottom of the Elora Gorge,...

I can't take anymore and I just need peace.

My family isn't coming,.. Noone is coming,...

I am a fucking loser monster that noone wants.

Can I just ask? Why? Why did noone even pick up the phone? Why did noone just text or email to see if I wanted to talk? But ***crickets***

I am fucking on my own,...