It has been well over 24 hours and the pain is still unbearable. I think today I will be seeking out drugs. I just can't take this overwhelming pain anymore.

And what pisses me off is no one is helping.

I seem to have 2 choices. Call 911 ~ in which case I won't go to an ER,... I will go to a psychiatric hospital. I know becasue it has happened to me nearly a dozen times. So asking for help from the medical community just isn't available. Now I am being forced to go underground for pain relief. I already smoke marijanna. But that barely even takes the edge off. I need something 50 times stonger. We have drug addicts in this building all over. I just have to ask one for the number of his dealer. 

I have tried everything but no help is coming. I am on my own.

Yesterday i was in so much pain I couldn't cook,... I couldn't shower,... I couldn't leave my apartment. I was just in too much pain. I am now at a point where I NEED HELP. I NEED SOMEONE TO LIVE WITH. I am just not coping on my own anymore and I just need help.

Help is not coming,.... becasue no one even knows I am struggling. No one knows because they don't care too. They have their own lives and I am not a part of it. 

HELP IS NOT COMING. But I just can't deal with that pain anymore,....

SHAME ON YOU SOCIETY for leaving a 61 year old lady to rot in her apartment in pain unable to care for herself anymore. But hey,... you don't have to watch so I guess you dont' have to care,... In this world if you don't have support with family,... YOU WILL NOT GET BY.

No one has to care,... so no one does,... and I have been left to rot on my own.

So fucking angry,... so fucking resentful,.... just want relief from the pain with DEATH now.