It's all such a mess

It's all such a mess,... ODSP mistakenly put my ODSP income for September into my bank account. They had stopped paying me so this shouldn't have been deposited. So I thought I would do the right thing and let ODSP know. They emailed back that YES, it was a mistake but then went into this long detailed letter with lots of instructions on what to do to rectify it. I couldn't even be bothered to read it. I skimmed it and just don't understand it. The government is queen of red tape and paper work,... i can't be bothered,.... So I forwarded it on to the legal aid person at my lawyers office for her to look at. As far as I am concerned I am furious about the whole thing. I got an email from ODSP saying they want over $3000 of their money back. I will not pay them. I have half of that put aside for my burial and funeral but I refuse to touch it. Let ODSP whistle for their money. I NEED IT MUCH MORE THAN THEY DO. It was THEIR mistake. So let them figture it out. But we all know that not doing anything is wrong. They will come back at me for ignoring this. And I will be punished yet again for that,... but right now I just don't have it in me to care to fix it. I'm sick of the whole benefits and charities lifestyle. I am OWNED and CONTROLLED by ODSP and the Ontario Government. They also want over $3000 in taxes as well. So my government wants over $6000 from me. Which I can NEVER EVER pay. So I lose my benefits. Trillium,... GST deposits,... I get nothing now. 

I feel like I am being kicked when I am down. I have nothing left to fight with. So ODSP,... do what you need to do. Put me in jail,... cut me off from any benefits,... I just dont fucking care anymore. POVERTY means nothing to these people. They all JUST WANT THEIR MONEY. In my life now,... that is all I am good for. Being chased for debt. 

I think it's time to go back to the fentanyl plan. I am never crawling out of this HOLE this accident put me in. I am fucking done. Finished,...  What the fuck does this life want from me????? I have nothing left to give them. But all I get are money demands and THREATS if I don't pay them. Even threats of homelessness. How is that humane? Living with he threat of your housing always hanging over your head. What kind of a life is that?

I give up,... I am drowning in a life I don't even enjoy. So why the fuck am I still here? No one cares if you killl yourself. You have said it on here over and over again and NO ONE has come forward to help you so just do it!! NOONE is coming to help or save you. YOU ARE FINISHED! Just end you fucking life,... because no one but the peope you owe money to will even notice your gone,....

Just do it,..... Think of the beautiful PEACE you will fianlly feel.