I am not in good shape. My nerves are raw. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I have lost my appetite. It's weird as I get hunger pains but when I try to actually eat? the food feels like it turns into sawdust in my mouth. I end up eating about 5 or 6 bites and then throw the rest out. My stress is effecting me physically now. My blood pressure is getting out of control again and my pain level unbearable.
In desperation I texted Hayley. She texted back with a question about ODSP which I answered ~ and then nothing. It was probobly a shock for her to even hear from me let alone with this,... so I am leaving her to have time to process what I told her. I'm not expecting anything. Infact,... I have a feeling her father is going to call and be mad at me for "putting her in a bad situation". For daring to ask my child for help. (That has happened in the past - it's one of the reasons I stay away)
There was no sense reaching out to Michelle. She was MORE than adament that she wants NOTHING to do with me. And Michelle is one of those people that once she makes up her mind ~ it won't be changed. I am never going to be in her life ever again. So in absolute DESPERATION I texted Hayley.
And now I wait,...
But honestly,... shes not in a position to help. But I was so desperate and paniced that I just need her. For support,... for someone to help me with forms and lawyers and offical things that I can't seem to do right now. Just for someone who can show me someone cares!
But mainly,... I need a new home. I will be out of here once the non-earner benefits stop. I will only have CPP as my one and only source of income. I have to pay RENT, groceries and every single thing I need in life out of $829.93. Rent in Fergus STARTS at $1400 a month. I can't even cover rent. I cannot survive once my insurance money stops. I am fucked.
I am so hurt and heartbroken that there just isn't an answer.
I have been tossed away.
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