I am obviously spiralling out of control. I have a rope hanging from the back of my door and I am sat here looking at it. Twice I have tried by getting my walker and putting it up against the door. I lock the walker so it won't move. Then I climb on the walker seat and stand until my head reaches the dangling rope. It is an old macrame plant holder. I have attached it to a dog leash. The dog leash is held by the door handle on the other side of the door. Then I threw everything over the top so it hangs down the other side. It looks so innocent. This thin beige string,... but I knowit's not innocent at all. Twice I have put my head into the string. But twice I have not had the courage to kick the walker away.
I am so desperate,....
I wrote this email (at the bottom of this post) in answer to a question the legal aide had sent. She wanted to know what the reply was from the physiotherapist here in town. Well it was bad news. They don't accept car accident patients. There are 2 more in town but I am so depressed I can't be bothered to call them. I just don't care anymore. Now I don't even want to get better. I just want to die.
I sent my lawyers legal aid this email at about three oclock this morning. I literally wrote "I will be ending my life ~ Goodbye"
*** crickets ****
If my own fucking lawyer doens't care,.... I don't imagine any help is coming at all now.
So its time,... for a third and fianl attempt.
Lets hope this time it's FATAL!!!!!
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