When I woke up early this morning my laptop homescreen told me it was (minus) -25*c outside. I knew it was cold out. I could feel the chill in the air as I hurried to find my slippers and housecoat. When I opened the curtains you could see the cold. There was a thick layer of frost over everything. And the cars left a puff of white trails behind them. It just looked like a freezer out there.
So I just want to write how grateful I am to have a home. To have heat. To not be homeless out in that cold.
But,... it has also reminded me that I will be homeless when my insurance payments stop next spring. And I will be left with no way to pay rent. So this cold has reminded me to be grateful for today,... but I panic because I know homelessness is coming. And then I will be outisde in this weather.
And as you know from reading this blog I will never allow that to happen. I will be jumping into the Elora Gorge before I ever spend one more night homeless. And that is why I am so terrified.
So you really feel for the homeless in weather like today. Where do they go? I cannot imagine trying to stay warm outside when it's minus twentyfive degrees celcius. You would die. You would freeze to death the minute you fell asleep. I hope everyone got into shelters last night.
As for me,... I feel much calmer this morning than I did last night after yet another unfortunate run in with Tonya. I am just going to rise above - ignore - and move on. Thats all I can do. if she continues then thats on her. I want no part of her or her games. So i woke up this morning feeling like I had put her behind me. I have consciously told myself she does not exist and she cannot hurt you. Then I actually smiled. Tonya Halls is not worth the aggro. Ignore,... ignore,... ignore,..... THAT will bother her more than anything becasue it's drama shes looking for. if I ignore like I have been doing then she gets no drama. NOW I just smile - I know exactly what shes up to which is poking me for my IRISH reaction knowing I will finally lose it eventually and then she can call the police and I get in trouble. It's a classic instigate,.... but it's not going to happen. When she pokes,... I just laugh inside and ignore and walk away. No more drama here Karen (I mean Tonya) becasue I jsut don't give a fuck anymore.
It feels quite good to have come to this place. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulder. I had to make a conscious decision to stop allowing her inside my head. And now shes gone.
I like the word ignore. I like the word avoid. I like the word hide. Becasue all these words protect me from that woman.
Do your worst now Tonya becasue now,.... you don't exist to me.
My ears are deaf,... my eyes are blind when you are around. You no longer exist to me.
And for once I actually feel good this morning. I feel like I have resolved a very long issue and the stress of that is gone.
The punishment is I can't leave my unit anymore,... but that is well worth it to me never to see that bully Karen ever again.
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