Monsters deserve to die in pain

All I can think about is dying. How to die,... ways to die,... I have done nothing today but research suicide. 

I have no life. I am in PAIN. And for the past week, I am ANGRY ~ which is a new symptom I cant handle. I have no control over my emotions anymore and I am now just one big ball of apin and rag

So I am researching ways to kill myself and I am learning that it is not going to be easy. I am learning that only 7% of people who attempt suicide actually die. The more I research the more terrified I am to do it. But also the more angry I am that society is leaving me no choice,... THAT infuriates me.

So i am down to 3 methods. hanging,... jumping into the gorge and fentanyl. Obviously fentanyl will be the least painful and easiest way to go but now that I am a recluse I cna't get it. I need someone to get it for me and noone will. They don't mind watching me suffer,... but they won't help me to die.

So that leaves hanging and jumping into the gorge. The latter will atleast be fatal. I am worried about hanging and surviving,....

I want a doctor,... a physical,... medical care but I cant get any. And the past week the pain has been unbearable. 

Leaving me to suffer is CRUEL so I guess I have to do it myself. I asked for MAiDs to help,... but again I wasn't taken seriously.

Well maybe they will all finlaly take it serious when they find me tomorrow hanging from my bedroom dorr.

I told you all I was not kidding. I am not a drama queen looking for attention.

I am in severe emotional and physical pain and can't find relief so I am choosing death as the only answer 

I wanted a doctor,... (not impact or paramedic sevices - a real doctor!)

How am I expected to live wiothout the user of my right arm???? I can't

But I am not worth this so tonight i do what I need to do.

Please pray for me and hope I die. This will be my fianl attempt.

I wish I had fentanyl but I guess monsters deserve to die in PAIN