What a waste of life I've been,...

To my daughters;

I have never loved anything more than I loved you two girls.

But I guess I was such a monster you just couldn't live with me.

Hayley,... I don't know what to say,... I was just tired of your TEXTS. you would never talk on the phone or come over (you said you would but then time after time you didn't show up and had an excuses. So lets be real,... youjust didn't want to spend time with me. 

Whatever,...

And michelle,... to you I say,.... FUCK YOU

All I ever wanted in this life was children. I lost and buried two before you. So I know the REAL pain of losing a child. And yet,... you still choose to keep your daughter out of my life. Self care,... whatever,.... I was such a fucking monster you robbed me from ever meeting that precious baby.

I was devastated and heartbroken and NEVER got over it. You know you could have allowed me to meet this girl but you choose to put up the wall and CUT ME OUT. 

Remeber I DID apologize,.... you said and I quote "You don't know what your apologizing for so I don't accept it" and hung up. I'm not going to beg,... or harrass you. I get it. 

I('m a fucking mentally ill monster. I GET IT!!

So now I go to my grave NEVER meeting that precious little girl. YOU could have allowed it,... but you choose to HURT ME INTENTIONALLY and you did.

Fuck you all,.... by the time you read this I will have disappeared and noone will ever fucking hear form me again,....

I go to my gravce knowing I was unwanted and hot worth meeting my own grandchild. 

I must be the most horrible mentally ill monster that ever existed.

But now I am gone and you can all pretend you did all that you could but I was just so horrible you had to cut me out. 

I go to my grave knowing I was hated!!!!!!

Fuck you all ~ What a waste of a life I've been,....