I need help

I keep writing over and over again that I need help. Maybe I'm just not being clear on the help I need. I am wondering if people are interpreting my "need of help" as cash or money. When this is furtherst from the truth. As poor as I am ~ and I am dirt poor ~ money isn't actually what I have been looking for. 

I need a doctor - Only a doctor can prescribe me the medications that I need. The walk-in doctor CANNOT prescribe the medications that I need as they are for mental health. For some reason they are not allowed to prescribe mental health meds ????  I need a doctor to fix my arm. I need a doctor to arrange to get my 5 surgieries I need finally performed so I can fianlly not feel pain from these old chronic injuries. (2 torn rotator cuffs and 2 carpal tunnels and 1 hiatic hernia). I need a physical ~ DESPERATELY as I have so many other physical ailments that have been ignored for years. Painful issues,... aging issues,... serous issues (I think I am in the first stages of dementia and I am finding it harder living alone)

I need an optometrist. Suddenly my eyes have changed so drastically that everything is blurry now. I have old glasses but they aren't the right prescripotion anymore so now I need to use a magnifying glass with my glasses just to read. of ocurse this is awkward so I can't really read books anymore. Which would be a perfect passtime for me. 

I need someone to be my liason between me and my lawyer, and other social people as right now I am so stressed and overwhelmed that I cna't control my emotions to have one conversation so every phone call ends VERY BADLY and I end up just burning bridges. I am obviously not well enough to be communicating with anyone right now. But becasue of this NOTHING IS GETTING DONE. I need people to help with calling ODSP to get that back! I need help with my lawyer ignoring me. Maybe he would listen to someone NOT MENTALLY ILL. I need a lison to be my mouth. But there is noone. My family have left me to my own devices and right now I am not cappable of doing the things I need to do.

I am drowning

I need help ~ not money ` REAL HELP ~ WHY can't I get any???? WHY am I invisable ???? Why do i get threatened with a mental hospital every time I try to get help ????

So i feel like I need to HIDE to protect myself. But that isn't healthy at all. I am in severe pain everyday and overwhelmed with it. But I can't seem to get anyone to listen,....

WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET HELP!!!!??????

Where is everyone? I really must be the worst mentally ill monster in the world.

I must be a worthless piece of shit,....

Becasue I have been asking for help for years and not even my family care,....

I must be the worst fucking evil piece of shit that was ever born