This generation is living behind the lens of a camera.

I am older now and it shows. It shows in my physical appearance obviously. My body once fit and strong has let me down and now I am an old lady with limited mobility who struggles around with a walker now. But the one place I can see the most that I am old is on the tv. As I have mentioned numerous times on here before ~ I am poor. And I have been since I fell on hard times just before Covid hit around 2020. Without going into the details I found myself going from a frugal budget to POVERTY. I have never been rich. But I have been middle class comfortable. And because I came from a comfortable middle class up-bringing,... I think that allows me the opinion of how DIFFERENT living in poverty really is.

But the lesson I have learned from living on $1368 a month is you do not actually need a lot. Infact 95% of what you own is LUXURY. As long as I have a roof over my head,... hot and cold water,... heat for my apartment and a lock on my door I have felt I can get by. And I have. But I gave up all of my luxeries. 

After five years I have come to see that we are not entitled to most of what we think we NEED. I am amazed at how people believe they are entitled to certain things just because they grew up with those things and are used to them and don't want to give them up. What I have found with this newer generatin is they won't live without. They HAVE to have STUFF! The more stuff they buy,... the happier they are,...

I watch tv all day long so I see it all day long. Youtube is the worst offender. Now I'm sure all the other social medias are just as bad or worse but YouTube is the only one I watch. I was shocked ~ SHOCKED ~ at how shallow and materialistic our society has become. People don't want to have real jobs anymore. They want to be an INFLUENCER. I didn't even know what an influencer was. But apparently people spend their whole lives making videos trying to convince others they are perfect,... beautiful,... and have everything! Society seems to be more interested in making duck lips at the camera in cute little top (that you can buy here on my link for $19.99!) than to go directly out and BE IN LIFE enjoying it. 

This generation is living behind the lens of a camera. Even if they do go outside - they have to record every moment. It just seems by watching Youtube everyday,... the whole world has become one big advertisement. And the goal is always to buy,... buy,... buy,...

Peoples homes are overflowing with shit they don't even need and forget they even have. Stuff,... stuff,... stuff,....

The one good lesson I have learned from living in poverty is we don't need that stuff. We don't NEED vacations,... we don't NEED cars,... We don't NEED a lot of what we have. We just WANT IT so we buy it so we can have it,.... but once bought it's just another thing in your home collecting dust. 

When I first became poor I missed everything I couldn't have. The better food,... a car,... clothes I liked,... getting to go out to enjoy life,... I just miss all of what I used to do for enjoyment. But after 5 years without all these things I have survived. It has not been easy. And it is a miserable life being poor. But you can do it. It is possible to live on barely nothing. You just have to give up your WANTS.

I haven't been on vacation in 25 years and I have survived. I have not had a car for 5 years and it's hard but I survived. I don't have enough in my budget for enough food - but I get what I need so I don't starve and I survive. 

So when I see people making go-fund me pages for vacations and other LUXURIES, it kind of irritates me. I wasn't given a choice. POVERTY was thrust upon me because I couldn't work anymore. It was hard losing my whole life. But I survived.

I would love to go on vacation. I would love to buy clothes,... I would love to get real haircuts and not have to cut my own hair but I dont have the money for those LUXERIES. So instead I have learned to go without. You don't NEED all the garbage out there these influencers and tv ads and social media is trying to convince you you can't live without. Because you can live without a lot.

Infact if I did have money now,... I would not buy stuff. Instead I would use that money and travel and enjoy life and take in everything it has to offer. I am hungry for a life,... I just can't afford it.

So it's sad to me to see this whole generation of society making duck lips and thinking their beaauty and value is in how many likes and follows they get. Sad,.... I wish I could give every child today a 1970's summer of never being in the house,... no internet,... no devices,... no selfies being taken. All our time and energy went into actually living our lives and enjoying them.

I don't see value in lives anymore. I see cameras and fakeness. Pretending to live a life behind a camera lens. And even then they have to 'fix' that picture or video because it's not good enough. They have to make themselves MORE beautiful with AI. So now,... they aren't even REAL.

I don't like this new world. It's fake. It's all about stuff and money and greed and luxery and how much can I buy,.. buy,... buy,...

I have lived in great comfort and I have lived in poverty. I have even been homeless. So I KNOW of what I speak. You do not NEED most of what you have. Instead of buying stuff and taking pictures of it to post,... why not go out there and live it? Go walk the trail,... climb the mountain,... take your grandchild to the park,... and LEAVE YOUR PHONE AND CAMERA AT HOME. I think they would be surprized after the digital addicton subsided,... how much they enjoy living without them. Our society is being RUINED by the internet and AI and fakeness. Influencers making duck lips for likes and follows,...

Sad,... It really does make me wonder where society will be in 50 years. I am so glad I will not be around to have to try and prove my worth and value to the world with how much I have,... how beautiful I look and how many pics I have on my profile that show how fake happy I am. Peoples worth seems to be valued by their Instagram account. Thats not a world I want to be a part of.

I hate being poor. I hate having nothing that allows me to live,... but atleast I am real and I know what I want and like and wish for and it isn't likes and follows,.. I may be poor and not attractive to this society. But I am REAL. I'm not trying to pretend I am anything I am not. My pics are real,... my story may be ugly but it is the truth. But unfortuantely in this society,... people don't want anything less than perfection,..

I am disillusioned with society. I am poor and therefore my life isn't pretty,... My profile reflected my struggles and society didn't want to see that blemish. They only wanted perfection so I had to be hidden away in shame. 

I'm still here. I am still the girl I was 50 years ago. But because I am poor and mentally ill life just doesn't see me. I am not perfect. I don't have what society deems as what you need to be accepted as a good person. I will never be seen as a normal person.

My worth is my monetary value apparently. And because I have no money - I guess I have no value. Even the gossip down the hall ~ Tonya and her infinite meanness ~ has to shout "Welfare whores" reminding me that I am poor and less desirable. Thats how society thinks of the poor. Less desirable. 

So my mind has not changed.

I am still doing everything I can to end this miserable existence called life. Today - just like yesterday and the day before - I woke up suicidal and my days get spent just wanting to die.

I think it's time. Maybe today I will find the courage to end my life.

Say a prayer for me if you believe in God because I am in so much pain. So much pain that the only relief I can see is SUICIDE.

The only anwer for me is suicide. The rope is still hanging there waiting,.... I just need the courage to use it,....