Police again!

It happened again. I was sitting quietly watching tv when a cop car (no lights or siren) drove up to our building. Right away my body started to tremble. Had Tonya called the police again? We had that little run in earlier or should I say I was out of sight and she had her little comment (Yeah,...run and hide) so I was sure she had made up something more and called the police on me. I opened my apartment door so I could hear if they got off on our floor and they did!!! When I heard the elevator door open I panicked. I mean I started shaking uncontrollably and my anxiety shot through the roof. 

Here we go,.....

But to my surprize they went the other way,... towards the other end of the hall. So I closed my door and I took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

THIS IS NO WAY TO LIVE! Afraid that Tonya has called the police on me everytime a cop car pulls up to our building. And because this is social housing - they are here a lot! Weekly! So I feel like I am walking on egg shells all the time now. I feel so unsettled. Did she phone the police on me again or are they here for someone else. And each time they come I panic and have to wait in my apartment - shaking - to see if they are coming to MY door. In the end I don't know why they came and I dont' care.

But I am getting tired of getting triggered every time the police come to our building.

This is not a life. I am hiding,... I am not living,... I am HIDING,.....

THIS IS NOT A LIFE!