The mentally ill monster noone wanted

 I think what hurts my feelings themost?

My own children can't help.

I know,... they aren't in a position to help me.

yeah, I know,...

But not even temperarily?

Not even to get me back to Ontario until I can figure something out?

No,... my children won't do that because I'm not worth the disruption.

When Hayley had nowhere to go, I took her in. I could have lost my ODSP doing it but I took the risk. I knew it was temperary and I wanted to help her.

But when I need help,...noone can.

My cousin Brian lives in a tiny trailer with one bed. Yet HE took me in even though we were on top of each other and it was awkward for him. (I slept on his love seat) HE DID IT ANYWAY. But it wans't ideal as his home is only large enough for one person. 

What I was hoping for,... longing for,... was my daughters to open up their arms and take me in - even if temperarily. But I know,.... they aren't in a position to,... noone is.

Not one person on this entire planet is willing to take me in temporarily until I can find a place to stay.

That told me a lot. 

I'm not worth the disruption in anyones life.

They would rather turn their heads and look the other way even though they all know I am homeless and desperate.

STILL,... noone can help.

That tells me more than I need to know.

NOONE WANTS ME. 

They would rather 'leave it alone' than risk me living with them - even for just a few months.

My daughters think I'm a monster and they don't want me in their life.

Maybe I am a monster ~ and maybe I deserve everything I have gotten,...

The mentally ill monster noone wanted

Sounds like a movie