Maybe shes right,... maybe nobody does like me

I shouldn't be writing this right now as I am quite upset. I woke up to a great phone call that left me in great spirits. Only to open facebook and have Hayley write this under my post. It devastated but not for the reason you think. I expected every word she wrote. What I didnt' expect was others to like it. That tells me I AM a horrible person. My friend T*****y in the fergus building I lived in 'liked it'. She and I were close friends.Or at least I thought. Anyway,... Imust be very very mentally ill becasue I have NO IDEA what Hayley means in her facebook post as WE NEVER TALK. So how could she tell me howshe feels. Infact I have written in this blog many times it's like pulling teeth trying to get her to communicate. We never speak on the phone as she never answers. I was only ever allowed to 'text' her which annoyed me as everything I said got misconstrued and turned around into negative. 

I WAS NEVER ALLOWED TO TALK TO HER ONE ON ONE

She kept me at arms length. So to tell everyone "I know how she feels" is wrong. I had no idea where we stood as she never allowed to talk.

I'm devastated. And my family all liked that post. 

Maybe I am a monster. Infact after reading her post ~ I KNOW I'm a monster. If noone likes me,... NOW I know why I didn't get any help. The only person who seemed to really care was Becky. (and some of my angels from out of town)

I don't even care about the good news now. But I get my old apartment back. Ironically becasue i treated housing with respect when I left and they appreciated that and have now bent the rules to allow me back into my old unit. When I got off the phone with the lady who has been helping me? I was elated!! I felt like my life had been saved.

But after reading Hayleys scathing post about me being anything BUT a nice person ~ I died inside. I had no idea she hated me so much. I had no idea my family hated me so much. That post I wrote on Facebook was a legit post saying I will no longer post about my struggles as it was apparently upsetting people. So I decided to stop posting. Well she had very strong words about that.

I am mentally ill so I can think is ~ she's probobly right. I probobly really am a monster and just dont see it.

I always feltI was unliked. Now I now for sure. 

Thanks Hayley. i am so humiliated I will go to my NEW APARTMENT but isolate away becasue now I will always wonder if I am a monster to people.

I'm so confused and hurt. She is on DIANNES side and she has never even met Dianne. I wish my two cousins would tell Hayley what they know of Dianne. But in the end,... she wouldn't believe them. She wants me to be wrong,... so let her. I'm wrong,... shes right,... I just dont have the energy to fight right now. 

I only put this up here so she can have her say. But she will still be pissed off as nothing I do is right. 

I can't cope with her right now. She can post whatever she likes showing the monster I am. Nothing I can do about it.

Maybe shes right. Maybe my illness hides it all. Maybe i am the only one who cant see it. Maybe her and my whole family is right. Maybe Dianne is right. maybe it's all me,... THAT is a humbling thought I'm not sure I can live with.

What if she is right????? maybe I am just a nasty person who needs ot keep my mouth shut and just stay away from the world so I dont hurt them. infact,... my whole family cant be wrong. 

It must be ME.