It's all a big shit show now ~ Time to go

I had a hiatal hernia attack. I ended up scraping together my last chunk of money and handed it over to the motel for yet one more night. I had no choice. I am very sick. I have been throwing up all night. I am in severe pain. I am having yet another hernia attack.

I cannot do this anymore. I must be the stupiest person to ever live. I really did believe Dianne and I got totally scammed. Why didn't I look up her B&B on the internet??? Why didn't I check her facts???? I just totally believed her!! So fucking stupid. I am a stupid person and I can't get by because I don't know how to deal with people. They bully me (Tonya) they scam me (Dianne). They ly that they are single when infact they are married (Kirk) and I believed them all. I just don't know how to deal with these types of people. I am stupid and naive and a laughing stock.

I have no money for food anymore. I spent it all on staying here one more night because I was vomiting and couldn't leave.

I have decided that this is not a life for me. I don't know what I did in my lifetime that has caused me to suffer for so many years. But now I am done. I am in too much pain,... I am too sick. I just need peace.

REAL PEACE. Not finding shelters or bothering people because they are forced tohave to help me. I am nothing but a pain in the ass now. A problem,...

If I can't live on my own ~ paying my own way ~ with money of mine ~ then I don't want to live anymore. I'm just a problem

Theres such a thing as dignity and I haven't had any since the day I moved into Ontario Housing and Tonya Halls decided I was going to be her victim. I am stupid for allowing her to ruin my life. But I didn't know how to stop it. Because I am stupid.

I can't work here at the motel as a cleaner. I can't even make my OWN bed after washing the sheets. It's too painful to do just my own bed. How the hell will I do 30 beds in one day???? I can't. The truth is I am living a pipe dream,... I can't work. I am in too much pain and I wont be reliable as I will be phoning in sick all the time. Thats why I went on disability in the first place.

Life is too hard now. I just need peace.

Please dont judge me - but I have to do what I have to do to find peace.

My life is a joke now.

And I am exhausted!!!!!

I just need it over