I've had enough of the people in this building.
WHY are they all so obsessed with my life?????????
They are all still gossiping (untrue) rumours about what happened to me in BC. Who are these people and why do they care about my story so much. They just won't stop talking,... gossiping,...
WHY? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? WHY do they need to know????????????????????????
It's MY business,... It is my story,... and they are not friends of mine or family so why are they so obseessed and won't leave me alone???
I really don't get it. I'm not special. I'm just a person in life trying to navigate a difficult illness. But somehow - becasue of Tonya Halls - I ahve beocme the gossip of the building. Why do they care what happens to me? Why do they need to know? And why (when i dont tell them) are they going out of theri way to lie and gossip their own story.
NOONE IN FERGUS WAS THERE so how they fuck do they know what happened to me 5 provinces away.
I can't take this constant intrusion and being accousted every time I come in the lobby. As they are gargoyles. They sit out front on their walkers and they gossip and gossip and gossip. But with me it's relentless. I can't even come into my own building without nasty folk saying I'm a fucking horrible person.
I am unwell. I need peace and to be left alone and not to be talked about by every single person in this building. How am I suppose to heal and get better when i'm being bashed by every gossip and liar in this building.
For the life of me I dont' kjnow what it is they are so intriqued with me about????? I''m literally just trying to survive. But the people in this building are
NEVER GOING TO LET ME
I am so grateful I have housing. That has not changed and it never will. But my mental health was so bad that I left here to find peace and healing. I am never going to get that here.
I have never understood the people in this building. I have never met anyone like them anywhere else. Even high school was a breeze next to these intrusive gossips that have nothing better to do than sit out front and GLARE at me the whole time I am in the gazebo. GLARE!!! with hatred,....
Are they jeolous? Of what? I lost everything and have nothing - who can be jealous of that? Yet,... they just won't leave me alone.
I knew coming back here would be a very big challenge. As just becasue I left - doesn't mean these people suddenly got nice. I just thought I had better tools to deal with them this time. But they are relentless and they are never leaving me alone.
I seriously don't know what to do as I cna't live being yelled rude things to just coming into my own home. Nooone deserves that. But as the cop said a few months ago about Tonya,... I can't charge people for being idiots.
So I got a call back from CMHA. They cannot give me mental health medication. (so angry about this) Just becasue I have no doctor I ahve to suffer unmedicated? So now I have to go to the walk-in and get a referral to a psychiatrist as only they can prescribe mental health meds. (????) but guess what,... theres a waiting list. So I asked about therapy,... theres a month(s) long waiting list. So here we fucking go again. No doctor - no meds - I guess I'm not a real human being and I dont' deserve meds. Becasue I have jumped through hoops trying to get them this year but walkin won't prescribe them,... CMHA won't subscribe them,... therapy can't subscribe them,... so I frustratingly asked how I can get on mental health meds then?????
You have to call 911 and say your in crisis and go into Homewood. just to get meds that others with a doctor get just asking??? That is not right - it's not fair - and I won't do it.
So I guess my mental health journed has been stopped before it even began. If you want help in this province when you have no doctor they force you to get locked up in a psychiatric hospital for weeks - just to get meds.
I give up. I tried. I hate the people here and will never come out of my unit ever again. And now I have to do it unmedicated unless I tell someone I am going to kill myself and then I GET to get thrown into a psychiatric hopsital. Does this sound fair to you?
If I had a doctor ~ all I would have to do is ask.
I am sick of being invisable and a nobody and I give up. From today on forward I dont' leave this unit for fear of being accousted and shouted out again??? and I never take meds - ANY meds. If I can't have metnal health meds? I dont' want any.
Back to hoping to die from high blood pressure.
At least then doctors will see me. Becasue right now I have done nothing today but phone around for help and been told no doctor ~ no meds,.... besides they are all back in BC anyway. I don't have any.
So I'm done fighting. I fought too fucking hard to get back here just to be exactly where I was before. Unmedicated and bullied in my own home.
Fucking done
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