I had another great day. I was helping the woman who runs this Inn do some stuff n the computer. She has a heavy Korean accent so I was helping her call customer service for some personal stuff she needed done. She then needed to drive in to Duncan so I went with her. It was nice to get away. She is a very nice lady. I like her, but unfortunately I have a hard time understanding her so things get mis-communicated all the time. So I'm not sure what the story is with me here. I have this place until Monday check out. Then ~ it's full and there isn't any rooms for me. It's my fault as I didn't have the money to pay up front. I am still waiting for money to come in from my insurance settlement but it's taking so much longer than I thought. The insurance company has stopped paying the insurance payemtns I was getting but still haven't paid the settlement so I got ZERO money this month. The absolute worst time for this to happen. The cash that I had saved up for so long ~ is all gone. I am now offically broke. And I can't rent another day without money. So if my insurance money doesn't come in Monday - I will be homeless all summer as they have to book my room for the summer prices ($3000 a week!!!!) If I were to stay at that price my settlement money would be gone in 3 months. So I really do need to find a cheaper room to rent. She did offer me cleaning, but now I understand it's not until the busy season (July and August) so it looks like I will not have this place to live like I was hoping. This is a business and they do have to rent out my room to REAL guests who are paying seasonal prices.
So even though I had a great day,... I come home to find there is no room for me until I can find more money. That means street homeless again,... *** sigh *** I don't do well with upheaval and uncertainty. I like to know what is happening and when. I like structure and timetables and schedules,... I like to know what is happening. I like to know I have a home for a long extended period of time. And right now I am living day to day. And I am finding this terrifying. I am scared to death right now as I type this. Becasue it looks like I am having to leave here.
Even if my settlement money came in tomorrow,... do I really want to waste it all on paying for a room here? Thousands of dollars gone. I would rather pay for a low cost room and save this money. It's all I will have in the world. Remeber I dont' even have belongings anymore. I have to re-buy a bed,... aouch,... a tv,... a chair,... everything for a kitchen,... I am starting from scratch. And I am finding it daunting. Do I want to even bother starting all over again in a place I can't afford and all my money will be gone in 2 months. Or do I fly back to Ontario and find a place there although I have been asking around and no bites. I would live anywhere that would take me right now. A long lost family memeber with a mansion on the prairies of Saskatchewan,... the east coast,... I would live anywhere in Canada where a kind person extended me a hand of help. Ontario, Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta,... I would go ANYWHERE someone offered me a break. I just need a break to get started. But noone seems to be able to help.
So I am in a pickle. A big one. I have security for two more nights and then,... street homelss once again. And I really don't want to live on the streets. I really would rather just end it. So fingers crossed,... PLEASE ~ Please let me find a home. I just can't be homeless anymore. It's been over 2 weeks and I just need a home with a door I can lock. A place I can be alone and do my own thing and not bother anybody.
But for some reason,.. wanting a home seems to be something that can't be given to me. And it really does make me feel unworthy and degraded. Like I'm not good enough and I just deserve to be homeless. It's a horrible place to be. And I really dont think I will bother if thats what it comes to.
So PLEASE,... please something come through for me becasue i don't want to die. But I refuse to homeless again. I only got one donation so I can't count on that. Things are so tough for everyone now.
I want to live. I just need a helping hand to do it. Please someone - somewhere - help me find a home.
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