I am not feeling any better today than I was yesterday. I have done my July budget and just as I already knew,... I can't afford to live. 

The one thing I said I would never do is give up football. 

And I still say ~ I refuse to give up football

But as you can see by my joke of a budget, I don't even have enough to eat - let alone have anything for streaming at all.

I have two passions that keep me fighting to go on,... and that is music and football. I always said that when the day comes I can no longer watch football - that is the day I give up.

I am NOT going to live on benefits and charities and have to beg for food. NEVER going to happen. I will end it all before I am left with this budget.

Have you noticed that I ran out of money well before I even bought food.

I refuse to live a life of having to choose rent or food but you can't have both. And have to give up the one and only thing keeping you going,... football.

Sorry folks ,.... I'm not gong to live this life of poverty.

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Remember I told you that women like Tonya Halls don't change,... they just change victims??? Guess what? That is exactly what she has done. She has not even looked at me ~ at all!!! It's been heaven. I know shes still yaking and gossiping about me to others but as long as she keeps her mouth shut around me and stops making rude comments ~ I can live with that. I have only ever just wanted to be left alone. 

But today I witnessed her mutter a rude commnet to her 'new' victim. As he walked by her - she mutterd "doofus". *** sigh *** WHY? Why does she have this need to be a cunt? I just don't get it. So now I have seen her be rude to others. This woman does not KNOW HOW to be nice. It's in her nature to be rude and lie and gossip. And the only reason I can think of for that is that she is so unhappy with herself that she has to hurt others for drama to make herself feel superior. She is quite overweight and I honestly feel she is unhappy with herself because of this and has to be nasty to compensate. I'm glad I don't have to listen to it anymore (although she is still gossiping about me to others behind my back which I don't care about) Just as long as I don't have to hear it. But apparently she HAS picked another victim and is saying rude comments to them now.

One day I wish everyone in the building would say something rude to her - just so she could see what it feels like. So here goes,... how would you like this Tonya???? "Your a fat woman who needs to lose weight in order to be happy about yourself. LOSE WEIGHT and leave the rest of the people in this building alone from your mean and nasty comments." Did I want to say that? NO,... but maybe she needs to hear what it's like to be on the other side of rude comments. THEY HURT!!!!!! So I hope that hurt her (because we all know she is still reading this blog - OBSESSED). 

Tonya Halls ~ Get a life and shut the fuck up!!! NOONE wants to hear your stupid rude and nasty comments. About ANYONE!

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Sorry,... lots to be annoyed about today.

So,... no settlement money again today.

No refund from Best Buy today

No money at all.

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I called four numbers yesterday regarding MAiD. I finally found out what happened with my first attempt. I saw a MAiD doctor way back before covid. But after our first initial assessment - I waited and waited and waited but never heard back from her! I phoned MAiD today and it said in the chart "Not accepted for MAiD" and then she said something about being mentally ill. I'll bet they said no because she is too mentally ill. But they forgot to inform me. To this day I have officially been blanked from knowing. So 'no acceptance of MAiD' ~ so whats the point in trying again??? I can wait until 2027 when the mental health criteria comes in but to be honest,.... I really don't want to be around by then,...

If this province can't give me money for even basic needs,... or give me a doctor,.... or mental health meds,..... then fuck 'em.

I don't have to hang around suffering in poverty and pain and the anguish of mental illness. 

I am very, very angry right now. They give me an apartment back (Thank you housing - I still am very grateful for it) but the government of Ontario won't pay me enough to keep it. Rent OR food - but not both.

I fucking hate this planet and I just want to be gone from it now.

I'm hated by everyone anyway ~ so why suffer in poverty and pain?

I feel like this apartment is being dangled infront of my face,... "Here,... here it is,... but you can only have it for a short time because you don't have enough money na-na-na-na-na,.... sucker!!!!!

Fuck you world ~ I'm done.