I haven't even been in BC two weeks and it has certainly been a roller coaster ride. One I did not need. But, it has happened and so I have no choice but to cope.
I got into the Croft Inn here in Crofton last night. I got a room for $600 for 3 days. I can't afford that at all but after walking the streets homeless ~ I just paid it. It was so nice to have a shower and brush my teeth. Living on the street is a very hard life and even though I had a place to sleep for those nights - it still was not easy. I still had to walk around Duncan all day from 7 in the morning until dinner time. That is a lot of hours to fill when you don't have a car or money. Instead I had to walk around Duncan with all my wordly belongings on top of my walker - pushing them around. And let me tell you, it's not like Ontario where it's flat ~ pushing a walker around here is hard work as I live in the mountains now. Everything is quite hilly. And with my backpack and purse it gets heavy. I am paying the price right now which is why I gave in and paid money for a motel. I am in AGONY right now. My whole body hurts. I was so thankful to have this motel room last night just for the bed. I haven't slept in a bed for awhile and it was pure luxury.
I will never again take anything for granted. Being homeless is so degrading and frightening. Not having the basic needs you need like a bathroom,... a bed,.... a place to put your belongings instead of lugging them around the city. Just having a shower and a place to brush my teeth is a luxury. And these are luxeries I will never again take for granted.
The conflicting part about all of this is ~ I love it here! The people are wonderful. They all bend over backwards to help you. They are so friendly and kind. The 2 woman that run this Inn have been so lovely. Going out of their way to make sure I have what I need. I really would love to live here.
But it is all going to depend on finding accomodation.
Luckily for me I have my settlement money coming in soon. I don't know what 'soon' means to a lawyer and with being homeless I haven't had a chance to text or email to find out. But I am assuming I will receive it sometime this month. THEN I can breath. Then I will have a few thousand dollars as a buffer. I know it's a small amount and it will get eaten up quickly. However, it will allow me some time to see if I can relocate here in Crofton somehow. I am not above living in a single room to let. I don't have a lot and a room would do me nicely. I obviously prefer living in my own space but needs,... must and all that. I will take what I can get and be GRATEFUL for it!! Being homeless definitely makes you look at life from a very different side.
I have met 2 cousins. Infact, I couldn't say before, it was my cousin who came to the homeless encampment to find me and bring me back to his trailer. But becasue of Dianne and how nasty she is, he made me keep it all secret as he doesn't want Dianne to know he is helping me - he just doesn't need the agro. So I have had to keep it secret. He is my cousin ~ Brian. I was in the encampment when a big white truck pulled up. A guy looked at me and said "Jacquie?" which of course made me look. Who on earth even knows me in this province. Because there was a security guard about 30 feet away, I said 'yeah' and he said 'meet me at McDonalds'. Now this shows you how desperate I was. I didn't even know who this was. Yet I happily walked to McDonalds (just a few feet away) to talk to this stranger. I knew there was a guard close by so I had that in mind. But when he got out of his truck, he said "I am your cousin Brian". I hugged that man like my life depended on it. I am cry now just writing about it. I cannot describe how it felt to feel so alone in this world and to hear your name - and then have someone care about you!!! I am actually crying right now just thinking about it. I was so grateful. Soooooo grateful. He took me to his trailer - which is only big enough for one - and let me sleep there anyway. He works during the day so I had to leave for the daytime hours. But I didn't mind. I was just so grateful for the place to stay.
After he got home from work, he took the time - his own time - to drive me to Crofton to Diannes to pick up my two big suitcases I had there. I asked him to park up at the top of the street so Dianne or her brother didnt' see his truck so they won't find out he is helping me. (Yes, apparently she is that nasty and he wants nothing to do with her). After we got my suitcases he drove me here to the Croft Inn where I checked in for 3 days.
After I checked in he told me to get in the truck as he had a surprise for me. And then he drove me to another home here in Crofton. A beautiful home. And inside I met my cousin Shela. I started to cry and I hugged the life out of that woman. I'm sure she thought I was crazy. But I just had this overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude towards these two cousins of mine. I am actually crying as I write this as there is no way to describe in words the feeling of safety and love and caring I felt. Someone in this province cared and took the time to save me. I am and always will be eternally grateful for these two people who still have no idea how much they have helped me. All in a days work to them,... but to me an absolute lifeline I will NEVER forget.
I walked home from her place - along the boardwalk on the ocean - to my motel. I felt lighter and happy and dare I say it - I felt at home. I love it here and want to stay. It's all going to depend on accomodation. It's very expensive to live here and I still dont' know if I can pull it off ~ but right now I am willing to try. The payoff of the beauty and the lifestyle is worth it to me to live in a tiny room instead of an apartment.
My money is dwindling like water. I have $200 left to my name right now. I am panicing about that as food here isn't cheap and that is where all my money is going right now. Motel costs and food. It is falling out of my wallet despite being so careful. I am very, very worried about money right now. I can practically live off nothing. I have for years. So I think if I can just find a room to rent I will be alright. And with family behind me now ~ I feel that much more settled. Last week I was terrified. This week I have a small glimer of hope.
I still have that fentanyl. It is a safety net for me if things get too bad. But I have to say - right now I have no intention of using it. Right now I have hope. And until that hope fades,... I have put the fentanyl away in a safe place. I refuse to ever be homeless again and if that continues ~ I will use it as an escape. butright now - I want to live!!!!
I was sitting in the library yesterday when a cop came up to me. He introduced himself and I invited him to sit down with me and we chatted for a good half hour. Very nice man. He took the time to give me papers on shelters and where I can find food, etc,.. It turns out my firend Shari form Ontario was so worried about where I was and how i was doing she called the police. And believe it or not - this cop found me in all of Duncan. I know I usually hate the police and my followers calling them. But in this instance I was grateful. He was quite helpful and kind. In general everyone here is helpful and kind.
My cousin Brian had suggested before he left for work that the pool here in town offers showers for $3.50. So that was the first place I walked to. When you are wearing the same clothes for days and your teeth feel like you have fur growing on them ~ a hot shower is a luxury I would have paid $100 for. I had to pay antoher $8 to purchase a towel (yes, it's very expensive to live here). I didn't have clean clothes to change into so I just did the "put my underwear on inside out" and called it ok. Now that I have my two suitcases back with my clothes and a motel room to organize everything again, I felt like a million bucks. Never underestimate a hot shower. Heavenly.
today I plan on walking to Diannes to collect some boxes I still have there. They were kind enought to leave them outside on their porch for me to collect today. I was a bit peaved at this as it rains here a lot. But I wasn't going to get into it. I jsut want to get my stuff and get out of there forever. Put a line under it all and move on to better things. If you get stuck on what has happened to you ~ you cant' move forward. So I have drawn a line under it all and I am starting fresh.
This is a picture I took on my walk home from Shelas. It is on a boardwalk on the pacific ocean. I nearly skipped home it was so beautiful. After having spent some time with my 'family' and walking home on this gorgeous boardwalk, I actually felt happy.
Some of my subscribers to this blog have been commenting. They are all so worried and care. They keep saying things like, I can't help you with money and I don't know what else to do to help you. Money would be nice but noone has any of that lol. I just love getting your comments that you care. Keep that up and that is all I need from my subscribers. Money is just money. It will comewhen I need it. I would rather get the comments that you are all behind me and wishing me well. THAT is all I need from you guys.
This has been a long post. And I could keep on typing as I just have so much to write about. But I need to get ready to walk that damn hill - twice as it will take 2 trips - to get the rest of my stuff from D.
Life has been rough for me - but i can still see a glimer of hope so I will continue to fight.
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