I had a bad night. I couldn't sleep. My head swam all night long with thoughts. I just couldn't shut my brain off. I finally got up and made coffee and stayed up all night. But now I am tired and feel "off". I can't explain it except I feel like I am gripping the edge and ready to lose it at any minute. My stomach is in a tight knot - squeezing. It's very uncomfortable. I honestly feel like I am just holding on,...
I opened my blind to another storm. Fergus has been blanketed in another layer of snow. As I look out the window it is dull and overcast. Dreary,... depressing,...
I just got off the phone. Our county's social system just called me wanting to "help". I wasn't on the phone 2 minutes and he was asking if I was going to kill myself. So I said no - ANGRY - becasue thats all these people ever focus on and said I will never ask for help from you or anyone else ever again.
They went there - right away - they had me flagged as a mental health patient and thats ALL they were going to hear. No physical problems - just mental. So,... I'm fucking done.
fucking done
fucking done
fucking done
this fucking world can go to hell
I'm not sticking around to be thrown in a mental hospital just becasue I need help
fuck you world
good bye
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