The Traveling Bird Feeder - Relax With Squirrels & Birds ( 1 Hour )

I was back up at four o'clock again. It's my arms. I just can't get comfortable when my arms are all numb and pins and needles. I fall asleep only to wake up a few minutes later from the pain of my arm going back into pins and needles. My sleep is getting quite disrupted lately because of it. I'm getting frustrated with it all now. The accident was in FEBRUARY and I am still unable to feel my right arm. During the day I can just about put up with it. But at night I am tired. I just want some sleep. A good long chunk of uninterrupted sleep. But I just can't seem to get any.

So instead I just got up and put the coffee on. And that is where I am now. Sitting here in the dark with my coffee watching "The Travelling Bird Feeder" on YouTube. In the morning when I am just waking up I don't feel like watching anything loud or complicated on tv. So most mornings I put on this YouTube station of wild critters in the forest eating. Someone has put up a trail cam and then pulled a sled of food (nuts, seeds, etc,...) and left it there. For the nest few hours birds, squrrels and other critters come and feast. I know it seems a bit silly but I enjoy it. I haven't left my apartment since September (aside from my ambulance ride to the hospital). So I get cabin fever all the time. I love nature and miss going outside on my hikes. So this is just my way of starting my day by 'sitting on my lakefront porch having a coffee watching nature'. If I can't actually be there,.... then I can atleast fake it. I find it peaceful. medatative. It can't hurt starting the day this way. 

By the way,... I do not get any endorsement of any video's I put on my posts. The person posting them doesn't even know I exist. I just use them because that particular day I wanted to write about something and that video may be why so I put it in. I get no money. 

I'm feeling quite sad again today. My phone call with my friend the other day had picked up my mood and I did ok for a few days. That kind of proves how important being social and having other people in your life is. Isolating and being a recluse is not healthy. Physically or mentally. I got a tiny taste of 'normal' for that few minutes we chat. But now it's back to reality with a thud. 

We have another snowstorm coming in. It's suppose to be a big one. And last for a few days. As I sit here I watch the snow flakes falling in the dark. They glisten and dance under the street light auras. It's really quite pretty. I have always loved snow storms. 

But I am starting to get concerned now. I need to get to a few sotres to get supplies. I order almost everything I buy on Amazon. Toiletries,... almost anything thats not food. For food I use Walmart delivery which is NOT ideal. I only use it becasue I am desperate and have no way else of getting food. The two part double dipping tip/delivery fee kills me. But I have no choice if I want to eat. But there are times when you just need to be in the store to see what you are buying. Clothes,... produce,... meat,... stuff you want to pick out yourself. Not have some shelf picker do it for you. But I just can't get out of this apartment. I need someone to assist me shopping now. Someone to push the cart while I use my walker. I use to do it myself but I had nowhere to sit down when the pain got too bad. So now I need assistance. But there isn't anyone to help. I could get a taxi there and back. But I would have to shop on my own and right now I don't feel strong enough to do that.

I feel trapped in this apartment. There is a whole world outside these four walls. But I never get to see it anymore.