I just want to be dead now

I am still very upset and all I want to do is DIE!

But instead I called a local physiotherapist office and left a message. If my lawyer wont' get me PROPER help - then I'll get it myself. It's about $50 to $100 an hour but I am willing to give up paying rent and food so that I can get this long-needed help. I will end up honeless but I am going to be homeless regardless anyway,.... so why pay rent anymore,... may as well just keep it and spend it on physiotherapy. I am now waiting for them to call me back. It's not in Toronto or even close to my lawyer. It is LOCAL to me. THIS is who I should have been offered in the first place. NOT my lawyers cookie cutter everybody uses the same physiotherapist no matter what their case or where they live. But I needed someone who understood fibromyalgia and she DIDN'T. 

So at this point I don't give a shit what my lawyer does. I will get my own help and pay for it myself at the cost of rent and food.

I also want to see a psychiatrist. It has to be a psychiatrist as they are the only ones who are allowed to prescribe medication. But after calling one I discovered you need to be referred by a family doctor. There is NO WAY AROUND THAT apparently. So without a family doctor I own't get what I need!!!

I am desperate to get on meds - but I refuse to go the CMHA route. (Canadian Mental Health Assoc.) as past experience has taught me that I will get help for a month or two and then dumped with no more meds just to be right back where I started. And going on and off meds is WORSE than not being on them at all. I need a psychiatrist but with no family doctor I will not get one. I will not get my meds. I am so fucking angry right now I really don't want to go on.

I just want this all to go the fuck away and let me die!!!!!!!

Just help me to die! If they really want to help - then help me to fucking DIE! 

I am not on meds all becasue i don't have a family doctor,....

I hate this world and I hate my life and I just want to be dead.

Can someone help me with THAT!