Completely at the end and have nothing left

I am so low this morning I don't even know if I want to write. I feel so empty,... alone,... unwanted,... and I just don't want to be here. Breathing right now is painful,... I don't mean physically,... I mean just being alive is hard work and a struggle I just don't have the energy for anymore.

Yesterday was the last straw.

I hate living in this building. Infact I am packed and ready to go when I find a new place. But as I have discovered over the past year there will be no new place. This is the bottom of the rung. The next step is homelessness. 

Living here is so unsettling for me I would rather choose DEATH than live here. When you get shouted at "Go slit your throat and die cunt" and "Go hang yourself bitch" it really effects your character. Every time I run into Tonya or Darren I am triggered. And you can't trust anyone here. I had to buy a doorbell camera to protect myself from theft and Darreb stealing my Housing Letters left in my slot. The doorbell camera fixed the stealing packages at my door,... but as I wrote about yesterday,... I am still getting them stolen. I am still in disbelief that someone who lives here and knows me could steal my package 2 days before Christmas. There is no morals in the people who live here. So I have choosen to HIDE away instead. So now I feel like I am in a prison. Trapped in my unit 24/7 alone. 

THIS IS NOT A LIFE. I feel like a prisoner! But the difference between me and a real prisoner is I haven't done anything to deserve this. Except become disabled and end up in this building.

So today - all I can think about is DYING. how to die,...

Hanging? I have the rope, I just can't find anywhere that would hold me in my apartment,....

Overdose? I can't get my hands on fentanyl,... or anything else lethal

Jumping? Can I die from jumping from my third floor balcony? Pobobly not

Poisoning? What? What can I get my hands on that would work? Bleach,... sounds very painful

The gorge? This one would definitely be fatal so it's still in the running,...

Slice my wrist? Most people don't die,...

Slice my throat? You better hit the corotid artery,....

Suffocating? A bag over my head and duct taped so I can't remove it,....

The only thing I am sure of is that I have to die,...

Now,... thats all I think about,...

What can I do to die??