I am fed the fuck up

I have not been sleeping because of the pins and needles and numbness in my arms and hands. It's impossible to fall asleep with. Tonight I went to bed but only tossed and turned due to my arm and pain. In the end I got mad and got back up. 

WHEN AM I EVER GOING TO FEEL MY ARM AND HAND AGAIN?

I was so mad I did something I don't regret (yet) but might in the morning. I wrote my lawyers law clerk. Because he doesn't let me near HIM. Only his law clerk. So I emailed her that I am fed up and I have no faith in their care they have offered me and instead I am going out to get my own. I will hire my own mental health care (a private psychiatrist) and my own physiotherapist and they will both be HERE IN TOWN where it is convenient for me. NOT in Toronto where it is convenient for him - my lawyer.

I didn't ask them to help anymore. I told them I had no faith in my case in that office but at this point I have no choice but to get help for my arms and hands so I'll just do it myself. I am requesting that they cover the cost but if they don't,... well,... like the rest of my life I have no choices as I have no money of my own. If they don't pay for help for me to get physiotherapy and mental health help then I am done.

I don't know how much louder I need to shout to this world that I need help because I can't feel my arms and hands!!! The 3 hours a week of home care help they offered isn't going to help. I need my hands FIXED! I need physio with someone who understands fibromyalgia.

DOES ANYONE NOT UNDERSTAND I AM SUICIDAL and this case is not going anywhere and I am not getting the help!!!!

What the fuck do I have to do to get my arm fixed????

I'm ready to fucking jump off my balcony just to get some fucking relief. I hate my lawyer and I hate that every goddamn thing in this world costs a fortune that I just dont have. If you dont have money - you lose!!!! Your a nobody and you just have to drag yourself through life

And I am so fucking done....

This is just not worth it ~ I can't even fucking sleep anymore it's so uncomfortable. 

I am so fucking DONE!!!!!