I've calmed down since that horrible phone call. But I haven't changed my mind. Life is just too hard. When you are TERRIFIED to seek medical help? Your life is over,...

I have smoked two bowls of weed ~ two ~ just to calm down. That was my last hope. But it just proved I will be nothing to this society but MENTALLY ILL. I am not a person,... I am a burden,... a problem,... and the only answer for these people seems to be to keep me locked up.

So I have asked for help my last time. THAT was it. No more,....

Now it's back to MY plan.

Fentanyl or the scalpel but DEATH is better than being thrown in a mental hospital every time you reach out for help.

It's not fair and it's degrading and humiliating.

I'd rather be dead and gone and forgotten than deal with this shit.

Now,... nothing matters but dying,....

and I WILL be gone by the dreaded Christmas day.

I ASKED FOR HELP!!!!!!!!!

You fucking screwed me again,...

So thats it,... I'm done

now we are back to just ending it.