dreaming my way through a snow storm

I am sitting on my porch. The sunrise peeking up over the horizon of the lake. Steam from my coffee floats lazily in the air. The sound of the forest sings gleefully at the rise of another day. This is my home,...

don't I wish,...

But I did have a good daydream this afternoon about what would make me happy.

I need to be away from Fergus. Out of this social housing,... out of this town,... out of the whole system. To MY OWN little place where noone can threaten me with eviction. 

I need to be with people who have the same interests as me: football, motorcycles and NOT the city. I want to be with people who prefer the cottage over Las Vegas,... 

I need to have animals in my life. A dog ~ maybe two

I want to be with people who love to watch football,...

But instead I am in the wrong place with the wrong people. 

Where are the people who watch soccer??? Where are folk on motorcycles??? I never found them here. And now it's too late. Now I'm a secluded recluse. You can't meet new people sitting in your apartment starring at a tv all day. You need to have a life. Go out there! Do things,... meet people,... but I can't do that anymore. And I'm too embarrassed to have anyone inside my apartment if I did. 

I just can't help but think that life has passed me by. I didn't find my place and I never did find my people,... I was too busy struggling to keep a job and just get by. Now that I have the time, I don't have the money or the ability. My chance has passed by. 

More and more I just can't help but think I am in the wrong place but it's too late. Once your in 'the system' you will never get out,...

So instead I dream. I dream of being back on the back of a bike. Riding all over Ontario. I dream of going to games at BMO Field with all my football friends,... I dream of my cabin on the lake,.. with my dogs,...  but sadly it's all just dreams.