MAiDs is a scam

MAiDs ~ Medical Assistance in Dying

The more I research and learn about MAiDs, the more distrustful I become. I ended my MAiDs journey ~ not because I decided I now wanted to live ~ but because after a negative attempts to get help from them failed I gave up.

The first doctor I had an assessment with left me hanging for so long I gave up and seeked out a second doctor to work with. The second doctor that I had an assessment with did the exact same thing. Just ignored me and never ever got back to me. When I had that assessement with him I asked for his card as he left but he suspiciously said "he doesn't give out his phone number for this" Again,... what? It sounded a bit convoluted and unprofessional. Almost under ground secrecy???? He can't give me his phone number? He's a registered DOCTOR. It seemed a bit hinky so I just walked away. I ended up sending him an email which I guess he trusted me to have that,... saying "I guess I don't qulaify but thanks for not letting me know" and walked away from MAiDs altogether. I still haven't heard from that doctor (??) 

I read these articles that say MAiDs is too easy to get. WHAT? It makes me realize that it is an inconsistant organization. From what I can research, it depends on what province you live in. Ontario? My experience is ~ probobly won't get it. But Vancouver - people are suing them for doing it recklessly and too quickly. 

When I reached out for the help to end my life it was a difficult decision and harder to pick up the phone and actaully start to plan it. For these MAiDs people to not take me seriously was unprofessional and devastating to me as now I have to find my own way to die.

I wanted to be safe when I die. I wanted it to be the way I wanted to go. But becasue this organization never intended to help me then i have to ask - why adveritse that you will and go through the painful assessment interview only to leave us hanging without an answer. That is CRUEL. I think they signed up to be MAiDs doctors but are so terrified of legal prosecution that once in - they paniced and didn't actually want to perform any deaths. So they just pretend they are helping but their help only proved to be leaving me hanging without an anwer of yes or not. LIMBO. 

Today I spoke with someone from one of my dying with dignity groups and guess what happened to her? Same bloody thing. Had the painful assessemnt interview and then never heard from that doctor ever again. She too, was just left hanging.

So, I think MAiDs is just  a scam. They want to look like they are being empathetic and will help us when they really don't want to. And thats ok if they don't want to. Just don't make us jump through the hoops to be left hanging. Not even the descency to say no. Just left wondering,.. waiting,.. until one day you realize your not going to hear from them. 

And this has caused a lot of pain amoung us in this group. And now all of us are saying the same thing. Well FUCK THEM then,... we'll jsut do it ourselves. What are they going to do? Arrest us after we're dead because suicide is illegal? 

MAiDs may as well just shut down that organization. The members aren't even on the same page and the acdeptence is completely dependent of geography rather than need.

FUCK YOU MAiDS! I continue to research how to do it myself. 

And I refuse to be alive by Christmas.