I have until the end of October to find a way to be gone

Nothing ever works out for me. I have been saddles with yet another defective device. My laptop got destroyed when I was homeless in BC. I guess carrying it around in my carryon bag didn't protect it enough and it got jostled around and broken. It suddenly wouldnt' recognize the mouse and I need that as my right hand is useless so I can't use the finger pad thing. So I had to get a new laptop. I waited until everything I needed was bought. Then because I had money left over I thought I would replace this laptop. 

It's the tv from Best Buy all over again,... I got saddled with a lemon and can't return it. This computer won't even open a website. It just shows the mouse as a blue circle that won't stop spinning. Then I get a pop up - not repsonding. I called Hulet Packard - 3 times. They admit that the laptop is defective and cannot be fixed. They told me to contact Amazon for a refund.

But guess what,... I can't get into town to get to the bloody Post Office. Here we go again,.... I called Amazon - twice - but no giving in. If I can' get to the post office? Then no refund.

I am so sick of this. I hate not having a car,.... I hate being stuck here in this unit. I hate my fucking life. I ended up telling them to keep their fucking laptop and hung up.

I am not over $300 out with no working laptop.

Scammed again.

This is my life,....

Doesn't matter. I'm not going to re-order another one. And I'm certainly never using Amazon Prime again. Which will kill me as with no car I rely on delivery. But I'm tired of the run-around you get when theres a problem. These big conglomertes will take the money out of your account the SECOND you click buy. But if theres a problem? Suddenly red tape and problems. I asked them,... If you can send an Amazon deliver truck driver to my door to drop off items,... then why can't you send Amazon delivery truck drivers to my door to pick up returns???? But that is not allowed,... they don't do that. And they can't make any exceptions for old ladies in walkers who can't get downtown to the post office,... 

So I am out $300 and have to now buy another laptop.

Which I won't be doing. This has just sealed the plan. I am such a loser I can't even buy a laptop. This is what life is for me,... red tape,... problems,.... forms,... applications,...

Why can't I just be like everyone else and hop in a car and just go and do what I need to do without even thinking about it,... having no car has ruined my life. I had a car,... but I lost it when I was forced to go on ODSP. I didn't make enough money to maintain it and had to give it up. The day I lost my car,... was last day of my life,.... I have done nothing but sit in an apartment miserable ever since.

Nothing goes right for me. I think the world is telling me to just go,... just do what you have to do and go,... because my future holds nothign but misery,...poverty,... and now fear from the good ol boys in the gazebo.

I have until Octover 31st to figure out how to die,....

I can't deal with this life anymore. I am too tired and too beaten down,...

Time to jump into the gorge I think. It will be terrifying,... but it will be final