Please God ~ just let me die

I have never fit in from the moment I was born. Already a mistake before I even entered the world, I didn't stand a chance. Both my parents had no interest in a new baby. I waws UNWANTED.

After landing in care I got adopted into a great home. But once they discovered i was mentally ill ~ I was UNWANTED. My family wants NOTHING to do with me. 

Do you know what it does to ones soul to FEEL completely unwanted and unloved all your life? It's devastating. 

For over 60 years I have been the one who people don't like. 

And now I am so traumatized by this I can't cope.

Everyday I wake up sad. Sad that I am still breathing. Sad that I am alone. It's a very isolated existence.

And just knowing you are hated is just too hard to bear

I wonder what it is about me that people dislike??? 

Whatever it is ~ i can't see it. But it haunts me everyday. It has broken my heart and left me empty. There is no worse feeling in this world than knowing people don't like you and dont' want you around or in their life and you are thrown away.

I am a mentally ill monster and I am MISERABLE.

Please God,... take pity on me and just let me DIE!!!!!! Noone will even know I'm gone except they won't have to hate me anymore,....

My children will be free from my hell and I can finally find peace.

I live my life in a constant state of stress and anxiety now. It always feels like I have a huge ball in my stomach being sqeezed until I go into a panic attack. 

Please God,... this isn't living,.... this is torture and I really do need to just DIE!!!!!!

Please let me DIE!!!!!!