a lifeline?

Something positive happened and I feel I need to write about it. Just after I wrote my last entry, there was a knock on my door. ?? Nobody comes to my place so who could it be? I looked through the peep hole and I thought I saw J**  is the building 'begger'. Knocks on everyones door asking for money and other stuff. So i didn't answer it. But they kept knocking. Finally I opened up the doorbell camera and saw that it wasn't J** but another woman. So I opened the door. It was S****. Someone who I would have considered a friend until the Mark episode and then thought noone liked me so I had no 'real' friends. Anyway, I was already very upset and she could see that. I started to cry and just spirralled. I told her everything. And then i showed her the video of Mark accousing me. She was shocked. Anyway,... she hugged me and looked me strait in the eye and said Mark and Darren are assholes and that I need to know that SHE cares. She then talked me up for the next half hour. Even saying she is taking me grocery shopping when her laundry is done. NOONE in this building has ever offered to help me with my grocery shopping but here,... S**** was. 

I have to admit that once she left ~ I actually felt better. I had gotten it off of my chest. She told me what Mark said was not true. That not everyone hated me - including herself. THAT felt like such a relief to hear. 

Not everyone hates me

So even though my life is still shit and I still can't afford to live here leaving me feeling hopeless,.... today I got a tiny bit of validation that it wasn't me in the wrong - but Mark. And someone else saw that. THAT to me was validation. And THAT meant more to me than anything. I have been told over and over again by Mark and Darren that everyone hates me to the point I believed them. For the first time - ever - someone was telling me I am NOT hated and THEY are the ones in the wrong. I broke down in tears and hugged her. She had no idea just how much I needed to hear that. That one person cared,... that it wasnt' everyone,.... one person believed me and cared,...

So now I am waiting to be taken grocery shopping. That is a treat I never get. So I can buy everything I need. Not just what will fit on my walker to walk home. I can buy everything I need,... I will finally have food in my fridge and pantry again. The temperatures in Ontario lately have been horrible. We have been suffering with a heat wave that has kept everyone inside. So i just didn't feel up to walking to Walmart and then dragging groceries home on my walker. Just too hot. So for her to offer to drive me there and back is a real treat. 

Do you know what it does to someone to have one person reach out and say they care? It means the difference between living and commiting suicide. The world is a very lonely and hostile place at time. This woman just showed me that at least one person cares whether I live of die,... that was a nice feeling I haven't felt in a very, very long time.

Thank you S****,... I really needed to hear your words today.