For the second time in the existense of this blog, someone has printed it out. I know because I have 900 posts over the 15-odd years I have been writing it and yesterday, I got just over 900 post reads. Not visitors,... that was only a small amount. But someone either read and/or printed out this whole entire blog.
Why?
As I have mentioned on here numerous times. I am not a blogger. I am not chasing likes and subscriptions. I started this blog because microsoft stopped loading windows with word so I had nowhere to write anymore. So I had to find another platform. Blogging sites were perfect. I originally had a very small following. Mostly other mental health sufferers. Hardly anyone left comments. To me it was just a place to write.
Then last year I noticed someone had printed out this blog. At first I wasn't worried. Just curious. In the end it was my liar neighbour Tonya. She had printed it out and SENT IT TO HOUSING to try and get them to evict me. I can't tell you how low that was. To use someones mental health blog against them to try and make them homeless. I was shocked at just how far that woman had gone to hurt me. But other than that day, I have a steady, consistant following and my stats stay relatively the same everyday with very little change. That tells me I probobly have a handful of daily readers.
But yesterday I had almost 1000 blog reads with only 38 visitors. Interesting. So now I have to wonder what is coming down the pipes in the future. Has someone - upset that I vent about them on here - printed this out and is going to sue me for slander? In this building that is highly likely. And I have an idea who.
WHY ELSE would anyone read over 900 of my posts? They had to be printing it out.
Let me say again why this blog even exists. I am not a blogger. I use this blog to vent. I am alone in life. I find each morning, with my coffee, I vomit everything that is on my mind. That way, I am not fretting about it throughout the day. I have 'released' it. It is my therapy,... my medatation,...
Over the years I have seen other mental health sufferers read it. Which I was fine with. If others can see that I struggle in life so badly with this illness just like them? Then maybe they won't feel so alone.
It wasn't until i moved into this building that 'mainstream' people found it and used it as their 'gossip' source. It really hurt me that anyone would take my innermost feelings and my daily struggle with mental illness and use it as 'recreation' to play their head-games. I never dreamed anyone would sink so low. But they did. Many of them in this building. And it ruined this blog for me completely.
And now,... someone else is interested in it again. WHY?
I live my life in 'survival' mode now. Life is hard,... hopeless,... and I just want to be left alone to be miserable alone. Why does anyone care about my life?
So with a heavy sigh I wait,... what is coming to hurt me?
Honestly,... I just want to be left alone until i can figure out a way to die.
Just leave me alone and I will be out of your hair soon anyway.
This blog has saved my sanity by giving me a form of therapy. But it has also been a double edged sword. It has been used against me over and over again.
Please people,... I am at my end anyway. Just leave me alone. I don't want hassle or drama. My life is sad and hard enough as it is.
Please just leave me alone.
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