Sidelined with an injury

 I am hurt. I think it happened during my marathon walk into town this week. I have fibromyalgia normally so pain is an everyday thing for me. I have learned that I just have to put my head down and plow through the pain if I am to have any kind of a life. So when I woke up the next morning after my long walk in pain I didn't think anything of it. That is normal for me. Any over exertion I do, I always pay for it for the next few days. But this is different. This I think is an actual injury. 

I have 2 torn rotator cuffs that I was suppose to have fixed surgically many years ago. But no doctor,... so no surgery,... so no relief. And now, I have damaged the right shoulder even more. I think it was all the pushing of my walker all around town with heavy stuff piled up on it. The ground is never even or smooth and pushing that damn walker is not easy at times. I think I have reefed my shoulder out. Now,... it is in so much pain I can't move it. I can't move my shoulder at all. Last night I couldn't get comfortable so didn't get much sleep. This morning the pain is still bad. Today is going to be a very quiet - still day as I can barely move.

So I am sat here watching my "Skote Outdoors" on Youtube. The off-grid couple from Newfoundland I enjoy so much. Every Sunday they put out a Youtube video of their life off-grid. THIS is what I would LOVE to be doing. But at 62 and so many physical problems - that life is not available to me. So instead I watch others.

If I had it my way,... I would move to either coast. BC or the maritimes and buy a tiny house. You know the kind you see on Youtube. There is a whole community of people who buy and live in these tiny micro houses. I would love to do that,... but ***sigh*** I will never get that chance. I live in "the system" and once your in the system you never get out. I know,... because I have tried. And I only get sucked right back into this place. It's like it owns you and will never let you go,....

But in the end it's all a dream. I won't be moving anywhere. I am trapped in this prison in "The Compound". Never getting out,....

But oh how I wish I could just leave here. Take only what I need and just walk away,...

I watch so many youtube videos of people doing what I want to do,...

But my disability and no car prevents me from doing any of it,...

My life is never doing,... only dreaming,.... and that makes me really sad.

How I would kill to have a lakefront cabin. A dog and a cat,... and no people,....

One can only dream,... because we know it will never happen,... :(