It's game day

It's done. I finally got the laptop in the mail. Infact I got a couple of things done yesterday that have left me feeling much better. The anxiety of all these things I had to do but was having trouble doing them was leaving me really stressed. I don't do well with stress. Yesterday was a shit show that I'm not even going to get into. Everything went wrong making the errands a pain in the ass. BUT THEY ARE DONE. And I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

However, while walking into town - the Canada Disability Benefit people phoned me. I couldn't help him as I was walking right beside the road. He kept asking me for figures and stuff that I didn't have. So I asked him to call me back later that day. I told him how it's taken me weeks to get through to them on the phone so I asked him to PLEASE phone ME back so I don't have to sit on hold for another hour. He said he would ~ but never did. What is with these organziations never calling people back!? Whatever,... at this point I don't even care about this benefit. They either give it to me or they don't and I have no control over that. But I am NOT making one more fucking phone call to sit on hold for over an hour,..... if they don't call me back,... I just give up on this benefit.

I am tired of having to jump through hoops to PROVE how poor I am,... I think I walked over 10 km yesterday,.... what a fucking life. 

Anyway,.... so in the end I didn't really get that errand done - did I? Why is life such a fucking hassle?

But today is game day. So I have gotten up and made a consious decision to start fresh today. Put all the frustration of yesterday behind me and start again. So I am sat here watching my game. I got up early again. I don't know why but I can't sleep past 6 most mornings. I hate that as it makes my day very, very long. My days are spent trying to fill up the hours to keep myself from going insane from the boredom of being trapped in this tiny apartment with nothing to do. No money to do anything or go anywhere,... so i try and fill my days the best I can. I clean. I watch tv,... but that is the extent of my life.

I am bored out of my fucking mind!!!!!!

I need stuff to do. I need to keep busy. I am not built to sit and do nothing,... it is eating me up alive just sitting here rotting.

I am just so miserable at how my life ended up.

People need other people. Being alone is just too hard,....

I really just need to die. I can't handle living like this anymore.

I am a worhtless piece of shit nobody cares about and noone wants around. So why am I suffering staying here?

I really,... I mean I really just need to go now,.....