Fall is just around the corner. I can feel it. The temperature has dropped the past couple of days and with it has come rain. I have turned my air conditioning off and opened my only 2 windows. But there is a dampness that hangs over everything. The whole mood of the morning has been depressing.
I finally got 2 things done off of my list though. First I called back the Canadian Disability Benefit. The one I can't get through to and got disconnected yesterday after 78 minutes. I called them back right at 8:30 as soon as they said they opened. (So how then did I still get left on hold for over half an hour??) Anyway, I finally got through and gave them the information they needed to complete my application. I have spent months trying to get this benefit,... hours on hold. But,... they have everything they need now - so all I can do is wait,....
I also left an email for housing saying I am revoking my leaving as I have not found another place. I reiterated that I still feel unsafe living here but I have no other place to go so feel I have no choice and I'm forced to stay. Whatever,... I will most likely be evicted for non-payment of rent once my settlement money runs out in the New Year but this buys me a few more months.
Why am I fighting so hard to struggle on? It's like my head has completely given up but my body keeps fighting to go on. It's a horrible situation to be in.
I am still feeling a lot of anxiety over the laptop I have to send back to Amazon. As I write this it is all packed up ready to go back but I can't get out to get downtown to post it. I need to find a place to get a shipping label printed out (library?) and then drop it off at Canada Post. But every day something prevents me from getting downtown. Usually pain. But every day that goes by that I don't get it done I feel more anxiety. I don't do well when I am stressing. And I have done nothing but stress for far too long.
ODSP STILL hasn't called me back. I have left 3 messages over the past month but still noone has bothered to call me back. So I will NOT be spending any of the money they give me as - like last time - they will just revoke it and want it back when they see I can't give them the paperwork they are requesting. How are you suppose to deal with these agencies when they don't even call you back???? So I give up. I am just putting their money aside that they give me as they will be asking for it back. No wonder we are made to feel like invisable worthless people????? They can't even be bothered to treat you like a human. WHY don't they just call me back?????
So i sit here fighting living and dying. Life is just a struggle. The hassle of getting benefits alone leaves you feeling worthless. With no family I struggle to see the point.
This world runs on money and without it ~ your a nobody
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